Tuesday, November 21, 2006

what is intended to be good for us is really just frigid, and I'll let time take its toll, as I've promised myself that I'll put her before you if anything were to happen.

sure, it gives you rights to make demands of me, in any capacity you find me failing. but when sacrifices have to be made, only one person's happiness matters.

and the truth is, the past could not so easily be left behind. but you shouldn't care about those damn people. I don't care about them too. what matters to me is you; don't speak to me anymore about what happened then because with you, I cannot be who I was. I'm not expecting anything from you but your understanding. I had confessed to you, exposing not simply what I had done, but who I was, my faults, my mistakes. start fresh, it's all I want. it'll be like resetting my image although I don't think I have it in me to be what everyone else wants.

you're right. I always don't talk to you rightly. like yesterday, the fact that I had called you by that name was because you had gone out of your bloody mind. the anger in me was rising, taking full control, an intensity of feeling I'd never known before, a demon stronger than lust or love, and that word just shot out of my mouth.

I think what you're doing to yourself now might throw me over the edge. whatever is happening outside, you must not let it sink into your flesh. do not punish your body for what it cannot control or else I will not forgive myself.

anyway, in the morning yesterday, I rose earlier than usual, wept after putting down the phone, slept and woke up again with eyes like golf balls.

nevertheless I still went out to accompany my cousin sister. we cruised over to bugis and town in search of one freaking skirt at Fox. it was a rather stressful moment for me as I was shuttling between comforting her when it was out of stock at most stores, and hogging my handphone, attending to the psychosomatic nature of man.

albeit bringing along my digicam, I couldn't really bother with them images. I was too stressed out dealing with the said persons. thus, it made me do something I never thought of doing again.

stop blackmailing me k. you know I do.

...featuring my alter ego @ 1:45 AM