Tuesday, May 30, 2006

yesterday, Elan called using an unknown number. perhaps he realised I wouldn't have answered the phone if I knew it was him who was calling.

Elan: hey Dela! it's been so hard to contact you nowadays. are you okay?

Me: erm yeah, I'm fine. just that I've been very busy with school and stuff.

Elan: oh. but you're only schooling for two days per week right?

dang. I suddenly remembered that I told him I've transferred school. why was I being such a dork??

Me: er yah... but you know, there're lots of projects and assignments to be handed in soon.

Elan: oh okay okay. I thought some guy is bothering you or something.

oh yes, and that guy is you, bugger!

Me: nah... everything's alright.

I tried to conceal the obvious mopiness in my voice and at the same time not letting the modulation in my voice reveal what an effort I was making to sound upbeat.

I think one of my weaknesses is that I am soft-hearted. I rather keep my thoughts to myself lest it will hurt others.

but nature has seen to it that when you are nice to people, they tend to take advantage. I can be nasty if I want to, but the feeling of sympathy/pity/tenderness will come back to me. eventually I'll end up leading the person on and in this case, Elan, no matter how hard I try to give him signs that I don't wish us to contact each other anymore.

it makes it even harder for me when the intended person fails to get my message. it's either that or he knows I'm reluctant but he can't bear to let me go. Elan is not the only guy though.

perhaps it's my fault that I've been leading these guys on. but it's just not ME to say "dude, I don't like you. this should end here." no. that's just not me. I can never do that. even if I have to say it, I would first search my vocabulary for positive words just so that the phrase can be put in the nicest way.

and what makes you think that's an easy task to handle?

...featuring my alter ego @ 3:10 PM

Saturday, May 27, 2006

I'm using the free internet access now. but I can't spend much time blogging since there are other people queueing desperately to use the net.

okay so it may seem a little bit late but I just got to know that the reason why my folks brought us here is to celebrate their x-th anniversary. oops how ignorant can I get huh. I don't even have an iota of a clue how long they have been married la. hahaha.

anywaaay, the room was so chilly last night and obviously I had trouble sleeping. what with the disturbance from my sister's snores, etc etc. I can bet that by time I return home, I'll have huge panda eyes. not that they are not big enough though. hehe.

the view from my unit is just breathtaking la. whenever the weather is favourable, I'll just sit at the white benches by the pool and watch the happy people have fun in the water. it's a pity I can't swim because I'm having my period now. nevertheless, watching the kids enjoy themselves makes me happy too. =)

how I wished I can spend a few more days here but my mom insists that I don't skip school on monday. ggrrr. she is so worried by the fact that I'm only schooling twice a week and said, "How to be clever like that?" haha. mothers... I love what I'm doing now and it makes me love psychology all the more because I don't have to do history at 'A' levels.

alright alright... that was really random.

seems like more and more people are queueing now so I have to go. okay go.

...featuring my alter ego @ 12:03 PM

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

yesterday, I was walking towards Dhoby Gaut MRT station from NLB when my eyes were suddenly pinned on this Japanese lady.

I thought she had appalling dress sense, and no idea what was right for her frame.

that's one thing.

then I gazed at the bottom half of her body, and at that very moment, I just wanted to laugh till I die! hahaha!

she wore her tight jeans so fucking low that her buns were bursting out of it. not that she had a perky arse though.

what's more, she had a waist belt on but it didn't encircle her jeans.

instead, the lady wore the belt above her jeans where her skin was bare. come on la. what do you have to belt your skin for? unless it is sagging, no?

what a faux pas. undoubtedly. or maybe it wasn't a mistake on her part. maybe she deemed that her style was passable. now that's really mental!

okay, I know my description of her wouldn't sound too funny to anyone who's reading la. but the whole thing really did amuse me!

of course I didn't laugh, even if I was smiling on cue as I walked past her. I had even thought of capturing her back image when I was still trailing behind and maybe post the picture online or something.

but after much contemplation, what would that make me, man?!

a schizophrenic?? hehehe.

...featuring my alter ego @ 1:23 PM

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I thought I was back in the game but now I beg myself to be out. at least till I recover from that memory.

yet again, I've gone through spectacular awful dates in the past weeks. don't get me wrong, I don't want to be attached to any guy at the moment but I do go on occasional dates. who knows I might gradually find the right one and when the time finally comes, we might just hook up.

but that's not the point now.

at the end of each date, I cursed myself for agreeing to it, then wonder how badly I possibly could have needed companionship to have thought it sounded like a good idea.

anyway, friends have been telling me the problem is ME. I am too picky. but it doesn't hurt to be one right?

I have since stopped contacting two guys whom I dated recently. the guys were pieces of shit and if I wasn't such a lady I'd punch them in the mouth. I don't see it as an affection but merely means to take advantage of the fairer sex.

in this case, I have the right to be picky right? it's not as though I only pick the handsome ones to date with... I'm just so scared of perverted men or worse still, men who look like the shy type but are actually hardcore kinky.

gee. just the thought of that makes my hair stand.

my eyes are getting heavy but given the amount of plain water I've imbibed the whole day, I probably would have to make frequent trips to the toilet and then get my sleep truncated.

school tomorrow!!

...featuring my alter ego @ 11:27 AM

Sunday, May 07, 2006

if you look at the right side of this page, you can see that I am no more in a junior college but I'm majoring in psychology instead. I have been busy for the past week - transferring out of school, saying goodbye to the teachers and lovely friends I have made at CJC, and preparing for registration at my new school which I will be revealing later.

the reason why I chose to quit JC to do diploma and degree in psychology is because the latter is where my interest lies. I have no problems with my studies whatsoever in JC . neither do I have any issues with the people there. haha. perhaps my frequent latecoming and getting caught for improper uniform play some parts in my departure. but well, that's beside the point.

I mean... since my father can afford the cost for private school, why not go for it? Path School of Technology and Management provides an express degree course in psychology for just 3 years or so. if I were to follow the traditional route of doing 'A' levels and then go on to do degree in university for another 3 years, I would take a longer time to graduate. and to be a qualified psychologist is a rather long process. a degree is definitely not just what it takes to be one. I still have to do masters and by 'masters' I mean 2nd upper class or better.

the foundation psychology will resume tomorrow and once the subjects are over, I'll go on to do diploma, specialist diploma and degree subsequently. masters will be done either at a local university or overseas. can't believe I'm already embarking on a journey to my career so soon.

that aside, I've been single for 3 years plus now! haha. before you start accusing me for being abnormal, let me clarify that I am perfectly fine. not that I lack of suitors though. hahahahaha. riiiiiiigghht.

I am just not good at balancing studies and relationship. maybe that was the past. now that I'm more matured, who knows things might change. but I'm not going to take risks. yes, I know how it feels like to be rejected. I have gone through that before.

but... the time is just not right.

...featuring my alter ego @ 1:48 PM