Sunday, January 22, 2006

while at my relative's place yesterday, I discovered some very interesting facts.

the lady whom I call "auntie" all this while is actually my cousin and I should be calling her "sister" instead. and this lady is already 50 years old bearing 5 children; the eldest being 28 years old and the youngest being 5 years old. therefore, her children, including those who are older than me, are actually my nieces and nephews. all the while I've been kissing the hands of those older than me in respect when they are the ones who should be kissing my hand instead. maybe they're oblivious to this too as our family line seems downright complicated. I was sitting on the couch with mouth agape when my auntie was doing the explanation.

most of my nieces are already married and already have children. so that makes me a grandmother! wow. selama ni aku perasaan kakak je. hahaha.

the mother to the lady aforementioned is ergo my auntie. but I've been addressing my auntie as "granny". it is just appropriate that I address her that way because she's already 60 plus. complicated isn't it?

on another note, my auntie, after all that complicated explanations, suddenly said that I look like this news presenter called Hazlina. she said that I have her features; my complexion, eyes, nose, my smile and my laughter even. but I didn't have an iota of a clue then who this Hazlina was. so I surfed the net for her picture and I found this.

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and then I was browsing through my photos and I thought that maybe... just maybe, I do look like her.

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hmm. interesting eh.

...featuring my alter ego @ 5:45 PM

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

it could be the premenstrual syndrome taking over. but that's not my point.

my point will come later.

am writing this while doing the malay essay which is supposed to be my sister's assignment. I wouldn't be so kind if this doesn't need to be handed in tomorrow.

but writing has not really been a problem for me. so that's fine.

I just feel like lashing back at her. no, not my sister. just this other woman who tried to test my patience earlier on.

if you think that I have to give you whatever you're demanding, then you've got the wrong person. I'm very sad that albeit knowing me for lightyears, you fail to see that I'm someone who will mock and give snide remarks just to prick someone's conscience.

and I repeat... I don't care if you're my friend or not.

aku tak kisah pun kalau kau terasa.

...featuring my alter ego @ 11:20 PM

Thursday, January 12, 2006

it's darn cold outside. cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. and inside, the temperature is at a freaking 18 degree celcius. can't help it la. I still need the air-conditioner to blow that degree of cold air in order for me to sleep.

(I'm already sleepy while writing this.)

swerving away from that note, I think I've been swarmed enough with the very infamous question whether I already have a boyfriend. suddenly I am thinking of how funny it is that most women are single for the same reason. the reason being we are looking for perfection all the time. but the thing is, we do know perfection doesn't exist! and in order for the guy to stand a chance of being The One with ourselves than any of the others, he HAS to be near perfect.

before I continue, stop the cerebration that I'm only going for the handsome guys.

physical appearance is not the only close connection to the word 'perfect' anyway. truth be told, I hate, perhaps dislike, guys who are damn vainglorious. for example, I don't favour this guy who used to be close to my cousin. when I check my cousin's handphone out, the gallery section, I always see pictures of the guy doing different poses. when my cousin comes to my house to use the computer, this guy always shows off his pictures on MSN's display and will change them after every second. masyaallah.

I can never imagine myself having a boyfriend who spends more time in front of the mirror than I do and who always asks how he looks before we go out. oh, and who talks about himself all the time. it's already hard if women are drowned in vanity, what more men? when I started being vain, I had ached for long straight hair, the silken type, without a vestige of curl, and had tried the famous straightening method known to mankind thrice. see what I mean?

but when I say I don't like vain guys, I don't mean that I like the slacker type who won't even do his hair. I would want a guy who's a lil bit vain because it gives me the idea that he's making a tinge of effort to dress up as it is me who he is meeting up with. on the other hand, if he so vain he wears long sleeves collared tee with black covered shoes even when we promise to meet at Mcdonald's, he's telling me that he's trying too hard to please.

as much as we want our presence and minimalist style to turn heads without fanciful fluorishes, I know it's hard to do so unless you're blessed with natural beauty. but no matter how cliched this may sound, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, no?

on another note, I don't fancy too mushy guys. it's okay to be lovey-dovey once in a while to perk up the relationship, but too much of it makes me have goosebumps all over my body. I do vaguely remember my ex-boyfriend saying something gauche about me smelling sweeter than any flower one day when we hanged out. gee. for all I know, he and I broke up after three months together. haha.

finally, pardon me if this sounds like a heinous remark. but I feel that some men are acting so selfishly that they look for fallible women to be their sex victims before marriage. however, when it comes to matrimony itself, they want a purely virgin lady. a man who has had sex before marriage ought to marry a woman who has also had sex before marriage. am I not right? it's fair and they will be guilt-free this way. at the very least, the other innocent people will not feel cheated by their own life partner.

I'm not saying this because I've experienced it whatsoever. but most guys whom I've met are full of arrogance, egotism, individuality, (fill in your own adjective here). and this simply explains why I prefer being single and happy. =)

that's my definition of perfection. I guess it all depends on yours too.

...featuring my alter ego @ 10:34 PM

Sunday, January 08, 2006

I know that my father doesn't really like the idea of me leaving my job. although he doesn't make this clear, he's been going on and on about my cousin who is doing so fine with her job and will be receiving her first pay tomorrow (which I assume will be a relatively huge amount since she claims to be working overtime everytime I ask her out).

like I mentioned in my previous post, I wouldn't have left if the supervisor and the senior staff had not been too incredible. I wouldn't have left too, if I was posted to some other locations where that kind of supervisor and staff are non-existent. as much as I tried to hold myself back from quitting, my teen angst wouldn't stop boiling just at the sight of them.

and then there's my mother complaining that I've been eating too much and ordering too much food from my father eversince I've become so free. I'm still growing up, remember? luckily though, I don't grow fat easily. heh.

...featuring my alter ego @ 9:40 PM

this is my comment posted in one of the Liverpool forums.

what a glorious comeback! that was certainly another match after the champions league final clash that kept the fans mostly in suspense, only to be rewarded with sweet memories after the final whistle.

love the Red men. I had told my sis that if they can do what they did against Milan then they can do it against Luton. Pongolle deserves my biggest praise. the lad did great. thank you, Rafa for being able to foresee what he can give to the team when you brought him in. you're the one, the tactical mastermind.

thank you, Stevie G for your commitment and for being such a driving force to the team. you're the best, even better than frank lampard in my opinion. thank you, Xabi for being such a fine passer and a natural. although the back four looked a bit shaky, we must not forget the 11 straight clean sheets they had kept for us that resulted in our great leap success in the premiership following last season.


...featuring my alter ego @ 3:48 PM

Saturday, January 07, 2006


went to the Woodlands library with my bro yesterday to return the books and borrow a new one. and I was pretty upset that for a library which is said to be one of the biggest in Singapore, not even one of the books I wanted was not on loan. maybe they are that popular huh?


Fadillah now knows why she drinks a lot. she was born on World Water Day. hahahaha. okay la, not that funny.


I'm glad to hear that my mates are enjoying it at their respective JCs and institutions for the 3-month course. as for me, I never thought I'd be at home every other day like this because by right I was so eager to earn my own money for as long as school hasn't officially started. I will never ever forgive those fugly witches (take out the first letter and replace it with any other letters of your choice if you want) for making me want to quit the job which I was so fine with. urgh, just forget it.


my specs broke into two a few days ago and I was and still am raging mad. now 128 bucks of my pay has to be forked out just for a new pair.

...featuring my alter ego @ 3:50 PM

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I love doing this whenever I'm not compelled to write a proper journal.


  1. I have a huge scar on my left thigh.
  2. when I was in primary 1, I pee-d (unintentionally) on the chair I was sitting on because I was afraid to ask for permission to go to the toilet. when the ferocious-looking teacher asked why was my chair wet, I lied that the water in my water bottle had spilt! ewww!
  3. I sing for the fun of it and do not wish to make a profession out of it.
  4. I have never been admitted to the hospital other than the days when I was just born.
  5. I don't need no man to make me feel wanted or special.
  6. I'm prone to be oblivious to my surroundings.
  7. I love putting on eye makeup.


  1. imitate singers' voices, including the male singers.
  2. talk back to people regardless of their age, race, rank, etc.
  3. give good advice about anything under the sun.
  4. blow the horn.
  5. laugh even when it's not funny/the joke has ended.
  6. eat once in a day.
  7. talk to myself.


  1. forgive and forget.
  2. write with my left hand.
  3. lie at the very last minute. I always need time to think of a good one.
  4. cook any dishes.
  5. tolerate other people's nonsensical actions.
  6. swim. for goodness sake!
  7. respect people who don't even deserve respect.


  1. take drugs.
  2. consume alcohol.
  3. break other people's relationships.
  4. fart when there are people around.
  5. bitch.
  6. tarnish my family's reputation.
  7. basically everything else that Islam forbids.


  1. driving license.
  2. a degree. insya-Allah.
  3. adorable kids when I get married.
  4. a good husband.
  5. a succesful career.
  6. a bright future.
  7. a home in Liverpool, maybe? haha.


  1. handsome yet intellectual guys. like that Khairuddin Saharom.
  2. babies and cute, chubby children.
  3. my flaws.
  4. Josh Hartnett.
  5. great music.
  6. great movies.
  7. new words/phrases that I come across.


  1. intruding my privacy.
  2. losing my things.
  3. imperfect skin.
  4. being hungry with nothing to eat.
  5. being bored to death.
  6. waiting for people to arrive. but I myself do not practice punctuality. haha.
  7. being blamed for something that I didn't do.


  1. face wash.
  2. pimple cream.
  3. facial mask.
  4. sunscreen lotion.
  5. mascara.
  6. 2-way foundation.
  7. lip gloss/lipstick


  1. food.
  2. handphone.
  3. noise.
  4. mineral water.
  5. spectacles.
  6. companions.
  7. clothes.


  1. sweet and sour fish.
  2. fried kway teow. (however you spell it.)
  3. carrot cake.
  4. lemon chicken rice.
  5. thai fried rice.
  6. fried squid.
  7. sushi.


  1. sleeping with the lights on.
  2. peel my nails when they grow long.
  3. spend too much time in the toilet.
  4. sleep after I eat.
  5. burp loudly.
  6. laugh terribly.
  7. pop pimples.


  1. religiously inclined. so that he can guide me la.
  2. intellectual and wit.
  3. hardworking and independent.
  4. respect the elders.
  5. charm.
  6. good looks will be a bonus.
  7. a liverpool fan too? haha. nah, that's not necessary.


  1. Steven Gerrard
  2. Jamie Carragher
  3. Xabi Alonso
  4. Ronaldhino
  5. Thierry Henry
  6. Robbie Fowler
  7. Kaka

...featuring my alter ego @ 9:04 PM