the lyrics is too deep and meaningful to me that I did a simple translation for those who do not understand Bahasa Indonesia, or to put it simply, the malay language. anyone with a better version, don't hesitate to enlighten me please.

Dew in the wee morning hours
Spreads the scent of hope
The seconds I count
Is it time I go?

Oh God I love him
Please give me life
I will never hurt him
Punish me when that occurs

(Chorus)
I don't easily love somebody
I dont easily confess I'm loving
I don't easily say
I fall in love

My song is just for love
My isolation is just for you
No lies, I swear I'm loving
Till I close my eyes
My love is till I close my eyes

Oh God I love him
Please give me life
I won't hurt him
Punish me when that occurs

(Repeat chorus)

I'm marvelled at how I can listen to a song I like, over and over again without getting sick of it.

moreover, this song kind of reflects how I feel and what I'm like.

it's not easy and I don't usually say "I love you" because to me, it gives a funny formal (?) quality I'm not used to. and my dear one will know that I don't like to be mushy!

as much as you try not to hurt your loves ones, you sometimes do, without you realising it. and if I were to let God punish me whenever I hurt him, I guess I would be dead by now.

hmm. bad example. I'm just too lazy to come up with anything more ornate yet plausible. haha.

anyway, do you see the uncanny resemblance between Irwansyah and Ricardo Kaka? I do! look at the hair, the smile, the physique! similar right? just that I think Kaka is the hotter one though. hehehe.

oh! and Acha resembles Kaka's wife... what's her name? both are teenagers, have the same long hair, their body shape and all that are similar too.

such perfect couples both of them.

to my dear one, till I close my eyes...

what is intended to be good for us is really just frigid, and I'll let time take its toll, as I've promised myself that I'll put her before you if anything were to happen.

sure, it gives you rights to make demands of me, in any capacity you find me failing. but when sacrifices have to be made, only one person's happiness matters.

and the truth is, the past could not so easily be left behind. but you shouldn't care about those damn people. I don't care about them too. what matters to me is you; don't speak to me anymore about what happened then because with you, I cannot be who I was. I'm not expecting anything from you but your understanding. I had confessed to you, exposing not simply what I had done, but who I was, my faults, my mistakes. start fresh, it's all I want. it'll be like resetting my image although I don't think I have it in me to be what everyone else wants.

you're right. I always don't talk to you rightly. like yesterday, the fact that I had called you by that name was because you had gone out of your bloody mind. the anger in me was rising, taking full control, an intensity of feeling I'd never known before, a demon stronger than lust or love, and that word just shot out of my mouth.

I think what you're doing to yourself now might throw me over the edge. whatever is happening outside, you must not let it sink into your flesh. do not punish your body for what it cannot control or else I will not forgive myself.

anyway, in the morning yesterday, I rose earlier than usual, wept after putting down the phone, slept and woke up again with eyes like golf balls.

nevertheless I still went out to accompany my cousin sister. we cruised over to bugis and town in search of one freaking skirt at Fox. it was a rather stressful moment for me as I was shuttling between comforting her when it was out of stock at most stores, and hogging my handphone, attending to the psychosomatic nature of man.

albeit bringing along my digicam, I couldn't really bother with them images. I was too stressed out dealing with the said persons. thus, it made me do something I never thought of doing again.

stop blackmailing me k. you know I do.

finally I can have the luxury of time to catch up on my reading.

the recently ended examination has kept me away from any other books except the one titled Health Psychology. a huge sigh of relief too that I've completed the essay which is due in a week's time. it's always a pleasure to prepare your work in advance.

yet it has crossed my mind that the distinctions I got for my essays or my overall grade do not even matter to you because your perception of what I'm studying now will not change. but I'm persevering because I'm studying for my future, not so much for yours. from now onwards, I am going to use reverse psychology whenever you talk to me about this.

You: your school is for unsuccessful people.
Me: that's exactly what I'm thinking too. I must be unsuccessful and that's the reason why I'm here.

You: now the one who wins the "Cleverest Among Your Relatives" award is so and so.
Me: now that you mention it, I'm not the cleverest anymore and really, I cannot outwin so and so whose points are of polytechnic standard.

BLEARGH. maybe I will puke if I were to say something like the above. nevertheless, I proceed undaunted!

anyway, this book I'm currently reading is very literature-ish. I still manage to read in between the lines although the last time I studied an english literature text was three years ago.

I still prefer sastera melayu though. =)

to distill my reasoning to the purest form, malay is my native language and I realise the importance of getting in touch with my malay roots. in this modernizing world where malay kids are groomed to speak engrish, oops, english at home, bahasa melayu has masked and its value has decreased.

surely we malays sometimes find that it's harder to speak proper malay than to speak proper english, no?

it is in fact harder to say "saya hendak makan" than "I want to eat".

on another note, I'm thinking if I should continue working at CSC or look for other jobs.

went to catch two movies for two days consecutively.

on Sunday, the boyfriend and I caught Step Up which is a movie about love and dance. the movie's soundtracks are awesome! while sitting in the cinema, you may just feel like getting up on your feet and dance to the songs. it's that awesome if I may add. don't believe? listen to this.

semenjak dua menjak ni aku tengok makin ramai pulak yang ambil gambar secara upclose. I guess my idea must be working - people want assurance whether or not they have a pretty or handsome face. heh.

I was listening to the radio earlier and this female caller was telling everyone on air that some stranger came up to her and told her she's pretty.

after she had hung up the phone another female called and lashed back at the said person, intentionally mentioning that SHE shouldn't be overconfident.

the deejay on shift then posed this question: why do females frequently get jealous whenever they see someone prettier than them or they surely have something to say whenever other females self-proclaim that they are pretty.

as I am typing this, thoughts of a certain hamba Allah galvanised me. I suddenly wonder why I should be so-called jealous when I, and most other people, know she can't hold a candle to me. maybe external reasons play a part, I'm not sure.

enough ranting, my days are getting better and better. and I don't get angry or irritated as often. someone should feel relieved.

so last Saturday we had this crazy idea to take a close up picture of ourselves to really determine whether we are pretty or not.



erm, no comments please.

thank God my weekends were rather well-spent or else I'd again be blaming this raya for being as mundane as my blog.



on Sunday, went to his sister's open house.



as well as my aunt's open house.











I realised the subsequent photos were more blurred so rather than postng them up, I will broadcast the videos instead.

a hari raya song for all, complete with the joget for entertainment purposes.



it was also a hari raya cum birthday celebration for my cousin, Ana. a bit touching, this one, as compared to the previous zany video.



that's about all. you've been waiting for this entry right, dear?

raya this time is as mundane as my blog. I've not been out celebrating the festive month, or so I feel. later the family will be visiting the relatives and it's only the fourth time we're out raya-ing. furthermore, whenever people call up to express their intention of going to my house, my mother will tell them not to, either because the house is already full of people or that we're going out.

it doesn't help that my collection now amounts to a miserable 14 buckeroos.