I was never promiscuous. I chose my lovers with intelligence and, I believe, some originality. though my victims were players on a board of my design, even my arbitrary, predatory swoops were accomplished with some artistry.

I also believe that I am beautiful because my boyfriend loves me; not otherwise. a statement of fact. a statement of power. I don't have a pair of deep-set eyes. my nose is not long, narrow and straight. my mouth is not strong that even without lipstick my lips are red. I have, however, overall "seductive looks" as cited from him. hahahahaha. not that I intend on the seduction of my lover.

the guys I met before him usually found that their advances towards me elicited a response of such vague elusiveness that they eventually retreated after being attracted by the mysterious quality surrounding me. baffled, some had their pride still in place, while others didn't.

I have never been interested in handsome men. this is not because I believe that they are necessarily vain; nor indeed that they are incapable, as is often implied, of loving deeply. no. I know that nature is not all-bountiful, and, having endowed charm, it will almost certainly not feel the necessity to be generous with other qualities.

my boyfriend's smiling, courtly face is a veritable topography of the balances and planes of light and shade that make him appear so cute to me, not handsome, albeit being commented by my mother as having the looks of a Bollywood hero. hahaha. he never fails to make me smile and I especially love it when he shoots a look of affection towards me. ironically, that look, or whenever he talks about this other girl, makes me seem lost in thought sometimes. why do I interest him? how serious are we about each other? me? very. him?






I will continue another time. this entry is for the sake of updating. right now I have more crucial things to do like start on my 2000-word assignment which is due next month and pack my belongings. aku nak pergi pasrah di tanjong rambutan. hahaha.