Wednesday, August 30, 2006
sometimes it strikes me that I deserve to be so happy after being introduced to some of the worst men on earth. from the moment I saw him, I knew I will love him till I die. God has really blessed me this time - he's such a gift.
yesterday we sat eye to eye and kissed. to a trained observer like myself, it takes the merest tightening of the muscles round the mouth to show the meanness of the soul. I enjoyed the slight tension of his arm muscles as I held them before the predatory swoop of my lips. hehe. his face witnessed truth and love. I felt no pain. I thought we should love each other... profoundly.
it helps that my family like him. he knows he makes me happy whenever he visits my folks and he twinkles back at each and every smile of mine. eversince my mother met him, she and I have often engaged in semi-banters. it is our own language barrier. it has a certain style and specific rules. an essential between a teenage child and parent. my father doesn't really say much but I do know he likes my boyfriend. one thing though, his legal training naturally leads him to believe that a question-and-answer technique is the road to the truth. ultimately that technique is what that makes me bring him home to see my parents. my father always forgets that I'm not under oath.
after watching a video on love at school the other day, I reckon we do make a perfect couple. he's tall and I'm short, so our kids will be of average heights. he's tanned and I'm fair, and so our kids' colouring will be intense. he looks like a Pakistani while I look like a Filipina, therefore our kids' faces will be slightly exotic. hahahaha. but I was laughing at the ludicrousness of the theories in that video.
I marvel at what a secret thing the human heart is, and the human mind. a merciful protection for us all. for who would survive a journey round the mind of another? then again, who can fail to believe that the intensity of one's adoration, if further developed, will not elicit a response? "if there is love in this heart," the saying goes, "then there is love in that heart. for one hand claps not without the other." how seductive. these were my idle thoughts on a walk with him after we left my house.
I wish I can create a mathematical formula for happiness and become famous. hahaha. we have made plans for the future. and for the immediate future at least, it seems that our relationship would survive.
"I've never had this kind of connection...
You're the only one..
I tend to throw caution to the wind when I'm with you...
I feel safe no matter what happens...
I feel protected...
I feel that I can trust you with my heart, my soul and my life...
I give you all without hesitation..."
Friday, August 25, 2006
I was never promiscuous. I chose my lovers with intelligence and, I believe, some originality. though my victims were players on a board of my design, even my arbitrary, predatory swoops were accomplished with some artistry.
I also believe that I am beautiful because my boyfriend loves me; not otherwise. a statement of fact. a statement of power. I don't have a pair of deep-set eyes. my nose is not long, narrow and straight. my mouth is not strong that even without lipstick my lips are red. I have, however, overall "seductive looks" as cited from him. hahahahaha. not that I intend on the seduction of my lover.
the guys I met before him usually found that their advances towards me elicited a response of such vague elusiveness that they eventually retreated after being attracted by the mysterious quality surrounding me. baffled, some had their pride still in place, while others didn't.
I have never been interested in handsome men. this is not because I believe that they are necessarily vain; nor indeed that they are incapable, as is often implied, of loving deeply. no. I know that nature is not all-bountiful, and, having endowed charm, it will almost certainly not feel the necessity to be generous with other qualities.
my boyfriend's smiling, courtly face is a veritable topography of the balances and planes of light and shade that make him appear so cute to me, not handsome, albeit being commented by my mother as having the looks of a Bollywood hero. hahaha. he never fails to make me smile and I especially love it when he shoots a look of affection towards me. ironically, that look, or whenever he talks about this other girl, makes me seem lost in thought sometimes. why do I interest him? how serious are we about each other? me? very. him?
I will continue another time. this entry is for the sake of updating. right now I have more crucial things to do like start on my 2000-word assignment which is due next month and pack my belongings. aku nak pergi pasrah di tanjong rambutan. hahaha.
I also believe that I am beautiful because my boyfriend loves me; not otherwise. a statement of fact. a statement of power. I don't have a pair of deep-set eyes. my nose is not long, narrow and straight. my mouth is not strong that even without lipstick my lips are red. I have, however, overall "seductive looks" as cited from him. hahahahaha. not that I intend on the seduction of my lover.
the guys I met before him usually found that their advances towards me elicited a response of such vague elusiveness that they eventually retreated after being attracted by the mysterious quality surrounding me. baffled, some had their pride still in place, while others didn't.
I have never been interested in handsome men. this is not because I believe that they are necessarily vain; nor indeed that they are incapable, as is often implied, of loving deeply. no. I know that nature is not all-bountiful, and, having endowed charm, it will almost certainly not feel the necessity to be generous with other qualities.
my boyfriend's smiling, courtly face is a veritable topography of the balances and planes of light and shade that make him appear so cute to me, not handsome, albeit being commented by my mother as having the looks of a Bollywood hero. hahaha. he never fails to make me smile and I especially love it when he shoots a look of affection towards me. ironically, that look, or whenever he talks about this other girl, makes me seem lost in thought sometimes. why do I interest him? how serious are we about each other? me? very. him?
I will continue another time. this entry is for the sake of updating. right now I have more crucial things to do like start on my 2000-word assignment which is due next month and pack my belongings. aku nak pergi pasrah di tanjong rambutan. hahaha.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
as promised, pictures from the wedding in Malaysia.
Aniq was primmed and cool and all set to go.
like last week, it was another soporific ride to Kota Tinggi.
but we did stop at Mini Kelantan for an hour or so to rest, shop and to answer Mother Nature's call. I was at this cafeteria...in my baju kurung, and for once I felt like a wanita mithali. hahaha. however in Malaysia it's not so bad la.
albeit our timewasting at Mini Kelantan, we still arrived at the kampung too early. therefore we had to wait at one of the neighbour's house where we were served typical kampung food.
take a look at the gubahan after I arranged them nicely (just for the sake of taking photos). hehehe.
anyway, this is what I would say a kampung like in the olden days... a house made of wood. I chose the three musketeers to be my models in this picture. hahaha.
after a few freaking hours, it was time for the 'berarak'. I don't know where the hell the kompang group had disappeared to.
passing down the gubahan...
my initial image of the bride.
after a while, the big 'berinai' ceremony started. rice and a mixture of flour was applied to the palms and foreheads of the couple, as a sign of blessing. I was told to do that too, but I didn't want to embarrass myself lest I'd do the wrong thing. hehe.
when everything has finished, we helped ourselves to chow outside the house. I didn't eat anything because for goodness sake, it was already nearing 11pm then. moreover, my eyes already felt heavy my eyeballs would pop out anytime. haha.
after that was my favourite part - taking photos with the married couple. hehe. I looked downright awkward standing short in the middle, all by myself, when the people on my left, right and front were all couples.
my family, with the absence of my sister.
finally, we brought back the gubahan for the bridegroom.
okay I admit I'm damn lazy to type more. blogging with pictures takes up a lot of my time.
Monday, August 07, 2006
do you know how much I love....... love love love the song 'Dealova' by Once Dewa? I probably won't get sick of it no matter how often I play it on the radio, laptop, MP3 player, et cetera.
I've also heard Siti Nurhaliza's rendition of 'Dealova'. damn I love it sooo much. she sings with a voice so warm, soft and resonant, touched with a hint of sincerity. watch the video.
anyway, my cousin got engaged with a Malaysian girl yesterday and so I went to Kota Tinggi. we had to leave early in the morning to avoid the jam at the causeway. it was a very long journey indeed but my day was made fun by playing with the kids at the back seat of the car. hahaha.
when narcissism set in...
it's been lightyears since I last visited a kampung. too bad that my cousin's fiancee's is kind of like a modernised kampung la. I was expecting it to be like a kampung in the olden days where the cows and chickens can be seen along the road. but I saw none. so disappointed. haha.
you know the feeling was like, ah, to be back there! to taste once more, even if only for a moment, that kind of serenity you can only feel by being in a kampung. nevertheless, the house wore an air of friendliness, of welcome, and it appeared to beckon beguilingly.
my cousin's the one in white by the way.
and then the ceremony began.
that's me and my mother with my soon-to-be relative, which is tomorrow, since she and my cousin are engaged for 2 days before they wed. weird, but true. how come it's like that, I've no idea. so don't try to ask me.
the food was okay la, but I definitely could do with more. I mean, the engagement was worth RM11111.11. so I guess it wouldn't hurt to provide the guy's side with dishes that are more in both quality and quantity, right?
the hosts sending us off...
bye-bye... I'll be back again with pictures from the wedding in Malaysia next. watch this space.
