Monday, August 22, 2005
I am soooooo touched by what my mom has done. when I came back from school today, I was so surprised to see my room spick-and-span, with the furnitures neatly rearranged and organised. just a day ago, I was considering the possibility of "revamping" my room but I thought that with the increasing workload, the possibility is probably zero, zilch, nada.
and my mom has kind of agreed to let me curl my hair. haha! she's too nice today lah. weeee. I love you, ma! aww. I said that to her a while ago. =)
Friday, August 19, 2005
not like it's a big thing that I'm finally updating after a long hiatus but I swear I've been busy, so busy that I think I rarely see my own family members nowadays.
I miss my little bro especially. when I reach home, he'd have left for school and when he's back, I'd either be locked up in my room or just that we don't come into contact with each other despite living in the same house. still, I do realise the change in him. we, in the family have always treated him as the baby; being either condescending or indifferent, until he has become too clever to ignore.
in any case I should thank God, shouldn't I? it's friday today and that means, I can get a little bit of study break and oohh, more sleep!! I wished it was 100 but I've been getting only 55% of the 9 hours sleeping duration needed every day. it's shitty, especially when you feel grouchy early morning in school and feel like dozing off when a lesson is being conducted. by the way, I was given this punctuality card which has to be endorsed by the DM every morning.
that brings me to the thought that I'd been booked for detention class. fcuk it. my case for latecoming has long bygone and it was only last week that I'd been told to go for detention. I was in malaysia then, so I didn't report to the ADM. I was supposed to report just now at 2.30pm but I wasn't interested. I have other things to do without bothering about shits like this.
hey, who knows? perhaps my next entry will be about me getting a more severe punishment? no pun intended.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
oh great. sean paul's we be burnin' is playing on the radio. I love how the song has a nice and catchy tune/beat to it. just the perfect timing to wake me up when I'm on the verge of dozing off, huh?
you may ask what I'm doing at this hour. what's left in store for me right now is to mug for the prelims and o' levels. then again, I'm getting a bit apprehensive of studying hard. yea, it sounds unusual. in any case, I've been getting relatively low marks for my tests albeit spending much time studying for a particular subject and vice versa. what's wrong? I really have no idea. perhaps this doesn't sound good at all since prelims are just exactly in a month's time and the o levels will follow right after. I just don't know what's the best way for me to study. darn, if only I could turn back time.
think the pressure is getting to me. no one's helping me except myself. I do not wish to sound too depressed though. I know there are lots of other depressed people besides myself. a primary school kid who'll be sitting for her PSLE has just called up 98.7FM, pouring all her thoughts on how the upcoming exams are putting too much pressure on her. relax kid, it's just the PSLE. if you fail, you can still do well in the next stage of life.
it may just be preliminary exams going on in a month but I still need to do well, don't I? I aim to go for the 3 months JC course so that I can get an idea of what JC life is like, and from there decide whether to continue or enter poly instead. but I don't think it'll be the latter since my mom's been bugging me to go JC when just a few months ago, she said that she would leave it to me to decide. sigh.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
sometimes I don't understand just what teachers want from the students. respect? diligence? punctuality in coming to school? before they even think of gaining respect from us (as in students), have they ever asked themselves, "do I respect my students?". I do not think teachers nowadays think that way and this has really made school a very fucked up place. I MEAN IT.
firstly, I admit I was wrong not to report to Tan for latecoming, and all the shit that had happened would not have happened if I had done so. BUT, I did report to him in the next two days during recess and he didn't tell me that I was supposed to see him again after school. today, I got my retribution as he told me to sit outside the HOD room along with other normal technical students who are hardcore latecomers. I just don't understand a teacher like him. he's an english teacher but his usage of english is atrocious. however did he expect me to venture that I was to go for detention class after school? really, some teachers are mere irrational.
however, sitting alone in the physics lab was a good thing afterall. for a moment I felt a sense of serenity and escapism. I was lucky to be given permission to sit for my common tests. then it began to rain heavily and I was allowed to join the rest of my classmates for lessons. oh, I went up to a teacher to ask something and guess what she did? SHE ROLLED HER EYES, as if giving me the I-couldn't-care-less look.
my shit haven't ended though. once the bell rang which marked the end of school, I went up to old virginic moron (she's not worth to be called my form teacher) to have my individual oral practice, in preparations for the 'o' levels. I GOT THE BIGGEST INSULT SHOVED RIGHT TO MY FACE. first, she said that I was speed reading. next she said my voice sounded like a guy. she said I can't even speak or write well. I couldn't stand it no more. writing has been my forte and every piece of essay that I'm asked to do, I'd give all my heart and soul into it. but OVM just chose to mistake me for one of her students who can't write well.
then she was talking about how miss universe contenders during a beauty pageant contest, are able to speak well.
I replied: I'm not aiming to be a miss universe.
old virginic moron: that's not the point! I'm just telling you the importance of speaking well!
I would have done my oral properly if I hadn't need to face you, sucker. I just rolled my eyes.
OVM continued: even if you want to, do you think you'd stand a chance?!
me: I'm not pretty like you. you do stand a chance though.
OVM: don't be sarcastic!! (raging with anger, going to explode any soon) you are so rude, fadillah!
I didn't even look at her. she shouted in front of me and wen zhong who was also in the cabin at that time. "I wouldn't have wasted my time on you if I knew it'd turn out to be like this!"
I said, "ok, I shall leave." I walked away and slammed the door behind me.
"I will tell Mr Tan about you!"
you think I'm gonna be shaken? watch me. teachers are such a pain in the ass. I thought that if I had continued my verbal fight with OVM, it'd turn physical in no time. I don't deny that I wished I could have slapped her in the face. or kill her even. but I was still partially sane and I knew the consequences. so I didn't.
you know it's ironic that insults is the biggest insult that can be shoved upon you. all this while, NO ONE dares to insult me. and even my parents do not shout at me like you do. I will explode anytime in school tomorrow. watch me. just the sight of you makes me burning in anger.