Wednesday, April 20, 2005

decided to post this only after I've cooled down. anyway, I'd had enough of this atrocious day.

in the train this morning, I was cramming 100 over malay idioms into my head. I finally realised after the exam that the art of memorising facts in just a span of a night, actually less than a night for me, is doubtlessly unwise. I got 3 out of 5 incorrect. for the first time in my life, I thought malay paper was really a killer. I'm hoping though that the end result won't be as bad as what I'm already contemplating.

I suddenly turned downcast after the paper had ended. the feeling is uncanny if a malay exam paper manages to undermine my confidence. I was walking from school with the usual people then. when we reached Lot 1, I felt that something was holding me back from going home. but I just didn't know what was it. so I went into some shops first before boarding the train towards admiralty.

met my bro and sis under the block but surprisingly I didn't ask them where they had gone to or why were they downstairs. too tired I guess. when I finally stepped into the house and was about to turn on the switch to the tv, my sis kept me back. she then told me that all the switches in the house couldn't switch on the electrical appliances.

she continued telling me that my bro had actually plugged in the wrong switch for his playstation and so the main switch exploded. he cried when he saw the current flowing out. sorry for my deficient description of the whole scene. my knowledge of physics is totally absurd. haha.

but since that's not the point, I just want to state that I was a furious, raging mad woman just now. my dad purposely hid the plug for my bro's PS so that he will study for the exams. tapi tengok lah. mati2 nak main game jugak. abeh tak dapat jumpa the real plug, dia pergi cucuk whatever plug that he found.

ridiculous sak.

dahlah aku balik rumah penat2, sedih pasal exam, abeh adek aku buat hal.

I wasn't in a proper state of mind.

aku tengking kat dia sampai dia ternangis2 teros kluar rumah.

I told him to stay there till my dad came home and then slammed and locked the door.

after that I didn't know what hapenned to him.

I became like a harimau beranak muda.

I was thinking of how I was going to survive in the dark in that heaty conditon. there was my boiling heart to add to the what-could-be-worse-than-this situation. luckily water could still run for me to wash up and calm myself down.

anyway my mum and baby bro rushed home when they were supposed to send my nephew to the airport and my dad returned right after work. sampai je rumah, hah kau, memekak! the mother was angry at his stubborn son while the father was angry at me for shooing my bro out of the house. hello?? he didn't know how frustrated I was to even look at my bro's face. but gradually I began to feel guilty when my father said, "kalau adik kau tak balik, kau taulah."

by then I was beginning to come to my senses arh. my 2nd sis and baby bro were out first looking for him followed by the guilty party. wah bleh tahan jugak adek aku merajuk. call kawan dia tapi dia cakap adek aku tkde contact pon.

then I went home. but seeing the unforthcoming look on my father's face, I headed down again. luckily, I found him under the block nearby. he was still crying. but not because I locked him out of the house. he said he was scared that my parents would scold or beat him up. yes, he's scared of the kayu which my mom is famous for.

so tragic sak. nasib baik arh bapak aku tak jalan tangan. he was just saying that my bro was lucky the current didn't eat him up.

but I know. setiap apa yang terjadi ada hikmah disebaliknya. for my bro, if this hadn't happen, he would't stop playing the ps even if my dad forbids.

as for me, I'd just been given a test from God. I should try to be more patient and control my anger.

oh and after a few hours when everything had been settled, my sis willfully annoyed me. she was imitating the way I acted when I temporarily turned into a lioness. bleargh.

...featuring my alter ego @ 7:37 PM

Sunday, April 17, 2005

hee I lied. I'm back blogging in a span of just a few hours.

I've been reading up some morbid poetries on the internet. they're cool anyways. cool. so cliche sey.

here's an example.

My dark pen howls and weeps
The moment it touches paper
My mouth screams out obscenities
Whenever I attempt to speak
My eyes see only red
My favorite color
My head explodes during the night
As I wander in and out of reality.

will try to write my own when I have the time. after the exams perhaps?

exams. do I need to mention that it every one of my entry? bleargh.

...featuring my alter ego @ 11:25 AM

Saturday, April 16, 2005

my teen angst is boiling over and spilling over and just going crazy.

think I should be a psychologist.

I read people's mind better than I read my own.

ade orang pakai tactic kotor to make people like him/her. ade orang act good in front of you but behind your back, wallahualam. ade orang jugak think lowly of you (but I tell you, this group of people will suffer in the end cos the bad always loses). ade orang jugak yang tak kenal kau tapi pandai2 buat judgements yang tak munasabah. at least ni ok jugak lah. ade tu dah lama kenal kau tapi masih tak faham2 diri kau sendiri. lambat setapak lah katakan. when you do good, this group thinks that you're doing the opposite.

terase? mungkin andalah yang saya maksudkan.

my point of this entry is: beware, I know whatchua thinking.

heck, I've got better things to do. exams coming real soon.

goodbye, bloggie.

...featuring my alter ego @ 8:17 PM

Saturday, April 09, 2005

today marked my first visit to the esplanade theatre. hehe.

went to watch the musical, the sound of music. it was magnificent! definitely worth the 100 over dollars that I paid. so anyone, whether or not you're a music lover, and you have that extra money to spare, this musical is greatly recommended. its last stage production will be at the end of this month I suppose.

so after 2 and a half hours in the theatre, we went to suntec's BK. after eating, rai and shi ting went home. only fads, niz, sak and hairy (extra jek deni) continued cruising around town. met wani at far east while we were there. saw abg din's friend too. he had this blonde afro hair. like whoa. yada yada.

walking back to the mrt station, we saw this group of minahs who was trying to be different but ended up receiving criticisms from us all.

they were wearing shorts, long purple socks, shoes and whatever nots. eww!! so awbit!!

on a more positive note, I like it when olivia shakes her booty in the candy shop music video. but I don't deny the fact that beyonce's the ultimate booty shaker. hehe.

...featuring my alter ego @ 10:44 PM

Sunday, April 03, 2005

in the crucial victory yesterday, I thought Liverpool didn't look like a complete team with no recognised strikers available.

Riise, Garcia and in fact Traore, had to do their job upfront and fill up the void. after about 80 minutes, I was quite adamant that it was going to be a goaless draw and my hope for Liverpool to close up the gap between them and Everton by 1 point came crashing down.

but once Biscan scored the winning goal in the 85th min, I felt so relieved and proud of the lad at the same time. he would be leaving Liverpool when his contract expires in June since he's not in Benitez's plans for next season. sigh.

still, he showed that he was not going to be shaken by those words and the criticism he received during his Anfield years. wah, so proud of him.

but I'm not sure whether to be proud of my favourite or not. his tackle on Stubbs had caused Benitez to lose his trust. of course I hope he'd be chosen to be in the starting line up come this wednesday.

Juventus. can't wait can't wait!!

...featuring my alter ego @ 10:13 AM

Friday, April 01, 2005

it's the 1st of April.

how I wished March will never end.

actually it is kind of satiric how, three years ago, I wished that I was in sec 4 so that I could quickly graduate from school and have a sweet taste of graceful freedom. now that I've already reached the stage where I so longed for, I'm wishing that time will pass ever so slowly...

...because I'm already feeling the jitters!

next week is the prelim english oral. two weeks later will be the start of mid-year science practical, english and social studies papers. I hate physics practical. why can't we just draw the circuits instead of constructing them using real wires? that'll make my life so much easier. then again, nothing is made easy in this world. anyhow! I won't possibly be a circuit constructer in the future right? correction: technician.

in early May, mid-yr exam will officially commence. for your info, whoever you are, sec 4 students need to at least pass every subject they're taking or else they're dead meat. quoting from Ms Chow, "If you fail your mid-year, I will make you drop subject by subject till you have no subjects left".

I may look fine. I may look relaxed and composed. but in actuality, I'm scared. I'm pressurized. I feel that I'm doing nothing to overcome these feelings. I'm not going to put high hopes for myself and do nothing to work towards it.

let's just say...I need a peace of mind. to concentrate, to get my basics right, to cultivate a sense of security, and be equal to the smart asses in school.

I was granted with a brain since I was born and it didn't come with a package of intelligence. I had to strive and play the game of tug-of-war whenever I'm on the verge of capitulating.

I don't like it when my relatives say I'm clever or I'm the best among the rest in the family line. I'm not intelligent. you can say that if I was born with a brain that's of marie curie's. do you think I feel proud when I'm dubbed as such? do you think I laugh at others who are dodo-er than me? it all depends on the effort you put in. I'm not a clever student (like you say) when I'm not studying well. I don't need to be compared to my other cousins and there is no need to interrogate us on our exam results either.

I don't know if these people are just overly concerned or they have a pyromania of ranking their neices and nephews according to their intelligence.

you too, do not have to feel inferior to me when this indecorum goes on.

I'm just like you...

...featuring my alter ego @ 6:00 PM