Sunday, June 26, 2005

1. I'm a terribly boring person.
2. I love my mom the most.
3. I'm dignified, spriritual and wise (as in I can think while minahs can't.)
4. I'm always unsatisfied. I constantly try to better myself.
5. I am a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books. (one of the reasons why I'm boring.)
6. I tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life.
7. I dream of inner peace for myself, my friends, and the world. (world peace, baybeh!)
8. I am a good friend, I always give of myself first.
9. However if I'm angry, I don't care whether or not you are my friend. muahahaha.
10. I love languages but I used to love math. I would love to master spanish, german, french, japanese, etc.

Nine ways to put me off:-

1. Indifferent attitude.
2. Come up to me and show me your bitchiness.
3. Not being serious when I am.
4. Messing up my stuffs.
5. Taking my stuffs without permission.
6. Act cute in front of me.
7. Speak with all the lahz, bahz, mehz, and other cheena pet phrases.
8. Girls, just scream!
9. Show-offs.

Eight keys to my heart:-

1. I am attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
2. In love, I feel the most alive when my lover is creative and never lets me feel bored.
3. I'd like my lover to think I am stylish and alluring.
4. I would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
5. My ideal relationship is lasting. I want a relationship that looks to the future... one I can grow with. (not monkey love or cinta monyet in malay.)
6. My risk of cheating is zero. I care about society and morality. I would never break a commitment.
7. I think of marriage pessimistically. I don't think happy marriages exist anymore.
8. In this moment, I think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Seven things I want to do before I die:-

1. See the world. I want to visit Anfield, Disney Land, be amazed by the Eiffel Tower, etc.
2. Have a successful career.
3. Take care of my parents.
4. Get married.
5. Have children.
6. Repent.
7. Go on a pilgrimage.

1. Bed.
2. Computer.
3. Radio.
4. Liverpool stuffs.
5. Air-conditioner.
6. Air-wick freshener.

Five screen names I have had:-

1. Lah. (people who call me by the last syllable are plain lazy.)
2. Fad. (this started during high school.)
3. Dillot. (called by people who urm, have nothing better to do.)
4. Dillo Gello. (I used to have a lot of gel on my hair in elementary school.)
5. Babylfc. (Liverpool freak.)

Four of my daily essentials:-

1. Eat.
2. Drink.
3. Pee/shit.
4. Sleep.

Three things I'm afraid of:-

1. God.
2. Moth.
3. All other creatures. muahaha.

Two of my favourite celebrities:-

1. Nicole Kidman.
2. Keira Knightley.

One thing that I want to do right now:-

1. Sleep.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

...featuring my alter ego @ 11:04 PM |

Sunday, June 19, 2005

heh, I found some interesting nicks in my msn contact list. below are some of them...

• few women admit their age, few men act theirs. (very true, huh?)
• clivages kills men. (cleavages kill men.)
• can I kill you? coffin is where you belong.
• suke hati bapak tiri laki mak kau aje. (sorry I don't know how I should translate this. haha.)
• thanks for everything, dawg. (quite clearcut lah. the person's in a pissified mood.)
• i trusted you as a friend. n u stab me the back. now i waiting for the day to stab u in chest with a fucking spoon. (muahahaha! this is my most favourite one! the spoon thingy plus the broken engrish really cracked me up! he should have at least said 'knife' instead of 'spoon' right? wahahaha.

haha. went to IKEA with the family just now and bought a 50 by 70 frame for $5.90. haha. cheap, right? but it is all worth it, because steven gerrard's portrait drawn by my uncle is now hanging high and proud on my wall. muahahahaha!

...featuring my alter ego @ 10:12 PM |

Friday, June 17, 2005

woohoo! for the first time in 4 years, I actually conversed with my next-door neighbour! haha. thinking back, (tak habis2 dengan aku nye 'thinking back'. muahahaha) I'd actually been wanting to talk to him lah but what the heck. he would always find means and ways to avoid me whenever we meet each other. hmm.. he's shy maybe? (eleh awak, dengan kita pun nak malu ke?)

so today when I alighted the MRT at admiralty, he was just a distance away from me. he saw that I was going to climb down the stairs. instead of using the stairs to make his way out of the mrt station, he walked all the way to the other end of the platform and made use of the escalator. just as I had guessed, he wanted to avoid me yet again. hmm.

after that I was waiting for the bus to go home. he knew I would be taking the bus so he walked home instead. oh one thing that I find weird about him is, he would reach our block at the same time as me, or even earlier, if I were to take the bus and if he were to walk home. bukan main lincah sak (sak, jangan terasa! haha) dia jalan. so yeah, we had met under the block. usually while I'm waiting for the lift, he will pretend to check his mailbox till after I've gone inside the lift but today, things changed. after "checking" his mailbox, he stood beside me and together we waited for the lift to reach level 1. muahaha.

my earphones were plugged into my ears then. initially I'd thought of leaving the earphones as where they were but I don't know why, I then actually plugged out one of them in case he was gonna talk to me. well he didn't, I mean not yet. I was kinda surprised too that he took the same lift as me when the other lift had also reached by then. then the dialogue began. jeng jeng jeng...

him: just came back from school huh?

me: (stunned for a little while, but replied in the end.) uh, yeah...

4 seconds of silence. I was thinking, oh shit, I should be asking him back, right? but how should I address him? nak cakap 'you' ke 'awak'? At last...

me: you?

him: just came back from camp.

me: oh you're in ns now huh...

him: yup.

the lift stopped at level 3. he went out first, followed by me. suddenly he turned back.

him: sorry aye, I was just asking just now.

me: oh no, doesn't matter.

he continued walking. again I was thinking, oh shit, call him! call him! this is the only chance I can talk to him longer!

me: urm...

him: yeah?

me: what's your name?

him: (he said out his name but it was barely audible.)

me: huh?

he told me to wait and then he opened up his bag...to take out his army pass! wahaha. semangat sey. at first I made a fool out of myself lah.

me: wait eh, I can't see. (dalam hati dia agaknya dia tengah cakap, buta ke apa budak ni? hehehe.)

me: oohh.. farhin..

him: yeah, what's yours?

me: fadillah

him: I see.. sorry aye I was just asking just now.

me: no, no. doesn't matter lah.

back in my house, I was thinking. why should I be angry when you talked to me?

I'm so glad da dey!

...featuring my alter ego @ 7:07 PM |

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

gawd, that was a hell of an experience! thinking back, I was actually caught in a moment of craze and stupidity. maybe it's time that I stop acting brave, no?

well I was in a crazy state because...

a few seconds after I stepped into the bathroom this afternoon, my mom pushed open the door and hid inside the toilet with me. feeling all tauty and fearful, she claimed to have seen a huuuugggee moth fluttering within the confines of her room. then the dialogue went like this:

(translated into english).

me: what are you tryna do??!! I urgently need to pee!

her: there's a moth outside!! (she wailed, her expression woeful).

me: (heaved a colossal sigh) ask dad for help then!

her: ayah!!!! ayah!!!! (the malay term for dad) there's an insect in the room! it's huuuuuugggeeee!!

me: (still waiting, at the same time trying to contain the urge to urinate).

dad: I can't find it!! and what are you doing with your daughter in the toilet??!!

me: you arh... why should you be scared of insects when they are gazillion times smaller than you? (I was talking with much boldness). go out lah. the moth should have flown away by now.

mom hesitantly made her way out of the toilet. by then, I no more felt like peeing. so I followed after her and thus made my way into my room to get changed. she wanted to follow me again and prolly hide in there but out of irritation, I locked my door before her.

then came the reward for being a rude child...

I was putting on my contact lenses when I heard clear flapping and fluttering sounds from under the armchair. I looked to see what was it and voila! I got the shock of my life! there was a huuuuggggeee moth right in front of my eyes! at that very moment I was nervous, agitated inside. all of a sudden a surge of apprehension flooded me. I wasn't sure whether to stand still or to run out of the room. when the really-huge-like-you-cannot-imagine moth flew out from under the chair, it continued flying at the opposite far end from where I was standing. as much as I wanted to run out of the room, I had no guts to do so since I was afraid the creatre might attack me from behind. wahahaha!

then the moment of stupidity arrived. after much consideration, I decided to hide inside my cupboard. nasib baik lah almari tu cukup2 untuk aku duduk kat dalam. wahahaha. if not I couldn't have fathomed what would happen to me.

...and so in the cupboard, I kept myself absolutely still as I remembered the hairlike antennae and stout body caught on the periphery of my vision minutes earlier. I peeped through the space in between the doors of the cupboard to see where the creature was. obviously hoping that it would stop fluttering so that I could make my way out of the friggin room. but no, a creature will always be a creature. it didn't show any mercy for me. so I was a stupid, helpless geek yelling for help and waiting to be rescued. no one heard me so I was stuffed inside the cupboard for more than 20 minutes.

ok, pause for a moment. while I was typing all of the above, I had heard the fluttering sounds again. I thought that maybe the moth was still hiding in my room. so I called my dad to look out for it. it took nearly half an hour before the moth showed up and was then killed. phew. I knew then I could sleep in peace. what an adventure from 5pm till midnight! it's as great as the adventure of the boys lost in fraser's hill alright.

now back to the story again. after a long time in my room, my parents thought that I wasn't going to my granny's anymore so they just left the house. gawd, didn't their instincts tell them that something bad had happened in the room? something evil had happened when they didn't hear me respond when being called up? gawd, how could they... I knew then that nobody would care enough to unlock the door to see what was happening. due to this, I didn't get to visit my granny again after being guilt-ridden knowing that I should have stopped by her house yesternight. so as soon as the fluttering sounds had died down, I ran horridly out of the room with dire thoughts rushed unchecked through my head. everything settled down soon after.

so there you go. my hell of an experience. moments of craze and stupidity. what's the meaning behind all these? ask the old folks and loads of superstitious thinkings will pop out. I don't wish to hear any of it though.

it's definitely time for me to stop gagging at my mom for being fainthearted when facing the sight of insects...because I am no better. while she only hid in the toilet, I actually hid in the CUPBOARD. due to this adventure (I chose to describe it as an adventure since it was as if I was on a rollercoaster ride, what with the adrenaline rush seeping through my whole body) too, I lost my left contact lens while trying to stuff myself in the cupboard.

bak kata pepatah melayu, "padan ngan muke kau!"

...featuring my alter ego @ 9:30 PM |

Monday, June 13, 2005

my cilium just landed below my right eye, above my cheekbone. hmm.. is someone missing me?

I never believed in mythologies but the feeling that someone misses me is getting to me. I remember my grandmom saying that when your cilium falls, pick it up and place it on your hair. maybe it serves to appreciate the feelings of the humankind who lacks your presence. wahahaha.

however absurd it may sound, believe me, anyone would be jumping for joy if this phenomenon was to be true, especially if the people they love are missing him/her.

I, of course, would be blissed if it is mister X.

hehehe.

...featuring my alter ego @ 1:00 AM |

Saturday, June 11, 2005

childhood friend, I'm missing you.


it's been 9 long years now. I wonder how you look like, what you're doing now and above all, I wonder if you remember me. all this while, I've only heard about you through mom or my sis. I wished you could update me on your self through you. I really hope you would come up to me whenever you see me on the streets. obviously because you're the one who knows how I look like now, not the other way round.


isn't it intriguing that although you stay a few blocks away from mine, I never got the chance to see you. even if we were standing close to each other, I wouldn't know that you were there. I heard you've changed a lot in your appearance. I bet you are much taller and skinnier than before. maybe one new change would be your curly hair. haha. it used to be straight! think I should hate myself for not realising that you were right before my eyes when we were at the same bus stop 2 years ago. but you can't blame me, right?

it is more intriguing now because after 2 years, it is only recently that I found out you were at that bus stop with your brother and friends. mom told me that when I said that I've never see you again since the day I shifted house. then again, who would have guessed we would be staying near to each other again?

despite that my friend, it'd be fruitless if you never come up to me to say a simple "hi" at least.

dammit. I really, really miss you. how I wished you would read this.

hmm, 'dammit'. that reminds me of Liverpool having had to defend their trophy from the first qualifying round. UEFA bodoh sak. habis arh the minnow teams would then have no chance to even qualify to the next stage. haha.

but well.. that's another story.

...featuring my alter ego @ 1:47 AM |

Saturday, June 04, 2005

hell boredom, it's getting to me. to wani, don't ever think that you wouldn't go out of your house if you had a computer at home. even the computer bores you sometimes.

this is my second entry for the day. my entry will be crap. up to you if you want to read on.

just for the record: I love browsing through people's photo page whenever I have nothing else to do online. so I was looking at some websites, and what irked me out was that, the comments made to the owner's photos would go like; hey, pretty you! you're so gorgeous! so sweet! you're so tall and slim unlike me! etc. firstly, let me make this clear. what I'm going to write below is not based on jealousy.

I was thinking. THAT, people say pretty and gorgeous and sweet and tall and what have you? have you people ever wonder why those comments were being made? well, I do have some random thoughts though.

1. because the commentator herself is ugly that even someone of average looks is considered to be pretty.
2. the commentator wants the owner to reply with a message that goes like this: you're pretty too!

take Friendster.com for example. just browse through some of your peers' profiles and notice that a testimonial (containing the phrase "she's pretty") which is given to one person is usually replied with the same phrase to the sender. I think we all know now why men are better than women sometimes. while men can be egocentric, women are no better. at least, 80% of the men in Friendster I believe do not do such foolish things just to up their ego by getting "beautiful" comments from people. some women even ask their peers to include the pet phrase in their testimonials. shameless, huh?

again, this is my own personal opinion. it may be a load of shit but it may contain some truths as well. so to each his own.

anyway, I doubt anyone understands what I'm writing. nyahahahaha.

...featuring my alter ego @ 4:27 PM |

I'm feeling bitter, sour, and everything else except sweet. have you ever wonder how it feels like when someone intrudes on your privacy and thinks that you'll be fine with it?

you know, I love my mom over anything else but for one. the fact that she has to check on my belongings (especially my physical space) the moment I'm out of the house is kind of atrocious, don't you think? call that the concern of a mother and whatever nots but it just appears to me that she still does not trust her daughter even though I'm all grown-up and I'm already 16 for goodness sake!

I thought that for the past 2 years, my mom is already convinced of my right to space and privacy. yes, maybe locking up my room frequently equates to her annoyment in wanting to find out what I have been doing all awhile but apparently the reason why I lock my room is because no one is respecting my privacy. it makes it even tougher for me because I have this mischievous little brother of mine who intrudes into my space without permission.

I'm thankful though, that my mom has relented a lot if compared to 2-3 years ago. she has been giving me the time I need to study, which means that I've been given lesser housechores to do and the time I need for myself, just myself.

maybe an appeal for just one more thing is not too much to ask for?

please, please, just stop checking on my stuffs. respect my needs in this area of privacy and independence, will you my dear mom?

...featuring my alter ego @ 11:34 AM |