it's the 1st of April.

how I wished March will never end.

actually it is kind of satiric how, three years ago, I wished that I was in sec 4 so that I could quickly graduate from school and have a sweet taste of graceful freedom. now that I've already reached the stage where I so longed for, I'm wishing that time will pass ever so slowly...

...because I'm already feeling the jitters!

next week is the prelim english oral. two weeks later will be the start of mid-year science practical, english and social studies papers. I hate physics practical. why can't we just draw the circuits instead of constructing them using real wires? that'll make my life so much easier. then again, nothing is made easy in this world. anyhow! I won't possibly be a circuit constructer in the future right? correction: technician.

in early May, mid-yr exam will officially commence. for your info, whoever you are, sec 4 students need to at least pass every subject they're taking or else they're dead meat. quoting from Ms Chow, "If you fail your mid-year, I will make you drop subject by subject till you have no subjects left".

I may look fine. I may look relaxed and composed. but in actuality, I'm scared. I'm pressurized. I feel that I'm doing nothing to overcome these feelings. I'm not going to put high hopes for myself and do nothing to work towards it.

let's just say...I need a peace of mind. to concentrate, to get my basics right, to cultivate a sense of security, and be equal to the smart asses in school.

I was granted with a brain since I was born and it didn't come with a package of intelligence. I had to strive and play the game of tug-of-war whenever I'm on the verge of capitulating.

I don't like it when my relatives say I'm clever or I'm the best among the rest in the family line. I'm not intelligent. you can say that if I was born with a brain that's of marie curie's. do you think I feel proud when I'm dubbed as such? do you think I laugh at others who are dodo-er than me? it all depends on the effort you put in. I'm not a clever student (like you say) when I'm not studying well. I don't need to be compared to my other cousins and there is no need to interrogate us on our exam results either.

I don't know if these people are just overly concerned or they have a pyromania of ranking their neices and nephews according to their intelligence.

you too, do not have to feel inferior to me when this indecorum goes on.

I'm just like you...