When you see through my eyes, you will know I'm a Red through and through.

2006-12-11T14:44:00.000+08:00

dependable sources for time-wasting: Veet, manicure/pedicure and a tweezer. =)

I know I'm slow. I didn't believe hairs can be removed effectively just by applying cream. I'm satisfied because there wasn't a tinge of pain.

the almost hairless legs.

and I painted my nails bright red!

so there's no way I'll follow my dad look for organisms here, barefooted.

anyway, I'm thinking of getting a new domain for my blog. Blogger beta is giving me much unwanted problems.

2006-12-08T01:25:00.000+08:00

I like the fact that my Wednesday and Thursday were so occupied.

soon after I woke up on Wednesday, went to Causeway Point to get my bloody essay printed again. I then made my way to my alma mater. it brought back both good and bad memories, notwithstanding I don't really like the school and often couldn't wait to graduate when I was still a student there. anyway when I stood near the gate, I was invited by a huge banner saying that BPGHS has shifted to Tech Whye. made my way into the school nonetheless, where I was greeted by the security guard, Mr Chiam and another staff.

Me: Mr Chiam!!
Mr Chiam: ehhhhh... you look very very familiar...
Me: ya you too.

hahaha.

the school had nothing left so off I went to their temporary spot at Teck Whye in dire need to collect my 'O' level certificate. yes, I haven't actually collected it for reasons I myself don't know.

getting around the school at Teck Whye was like stepping back to 60's. a bit eerie too, as it's an old, abandoned school. when I finally got to the general office, I was told by the clerk that it was impossible to give me my certificate as they had not finished unpacking and further added that I come back in a month's time to collect. at that point of time I just wanted to vent frustration for not wanting to collect it earlier.

in your face, Dela!

after all that disaster, crashed at my cousin's for one night. rambled on, did the things girls do, etc. the next day, I left for home at around 9am. snoozed at home before getting ready to meet my baby at Woodlands. after which, we set off to town and surveyed all the stuff we might be buying for the picnic. yay! can't wait!

cruised along the streets till my legs felt like they were going to give way.

it was this tiring la eh. that's a forced smile anyway.

2006-12-01T22:53:00.000+08:00

so eventually the essay which is supposed to be due today has been postponed to December 8.

^%$%@%^&*()Y(*^&*$!!!

I was disgusted by the lecturer's audacity in telling us that we "can take the essays back to edit and reprint".

and to think I was facing a stark reality of the actual deadline! hah!

to put it in a crude manner, all of us are required to hide behind anonymity (which we've never been told before). at least for the school standard, no names are to be typed on the title page, only student IDs.

don't these lecturers have the courtesy to inform us earlier or what? waste my money and time printing only.

just wasn't my day la. and during lecture, I was very irritated by my runny nose.

but all's not a disadvantage. I got my new schedule already and it states that Friday classes will only start at 2pm. so happy la! can wake up late! hehe.

then after school, went to SGH to pay his father a visit. his exaggeration about the 30 minutes journey from Dhoby Gaut to SGH seemed to work. because I had just thought of taking a nap when I saw the Police Cantonment Complex which means I had to get ready to alight from the bus.

luckily I hadn't fallen unconscious.

after conversing with his father and seeing him through physiotherapy, I began to express empathy. often, we have this misconception that we cannot feel what someone else feels unless we've been through the same situation before.

it must be very hard on someone when one's muscles and joints are rigid because I had just seen how distressing that situation can be to the sufferer, his family, and everyone around him.

on a lighter note, at the ground floor, I was pushing the pram with his sister's baby in it. all eyes were at the baby, and then at me. suddenly they looked puzzled. can't they widen their imagination and assume that I'm a maid or something and that's why we look different?

I guess people would even believe me if I tell them I'm a maid. at the bed beside his father's, there's an Indonesian/Filipina maid taking care of her owner, I presume. I watched her, because I often found her looking at me. perhaps she could be thinking that we have the same status. haha.

anyway, been seeing common faces every other day. I think I'm hallucinating.

2006-11-30T23:46:00.000+08:00

someone who is far way is sometimes much nearer that someone who is at hand.

2006-11-29T19:29:00.000+08:00

Sampai Menutup Mata - Acha Septriasa

the lyrics is too deep and meaningful to me that I did a simple translation for those who do not understand Bahasa Indonesia, or to put it simply, the malay language. anyone with a better version, don't hesitate to enlighten me please.

Dew in the wee morning hours
Spreads the scent of hope
The seconds I count
Is it time I go?

Oh God I love him
Please give me life
I will never hurt him
Punish me when that occurs

(Chorus)
I don't easily love somebody
I dont easily confess I'm loving
I don't easily say
I fall in love

My song is just for love
My isolation is just for you
No lies, I swear I'm loving
Till I close my eyes
My love is till I close my eyes

Oh God I love him
Please give me life
I won't hurt him
Punish me when that occurs

(Repeat chorus)

I'm marvelled at how I can listen to a song I like, over and over again without getting sick of it.

moreover, this song kind of reflects how I feel and what I'm like.

it's not easy and I don't usually say "I love you" because to me, it gives a funny formal (?) quality I'm not used to. and my dear one will know that I don't like to be mushy!

as much as you try not to hurt your loves ones, you sometimes do, without you realising it. and if I were to let God punish me whenever I hurt him, I guess I would be dead by now.

hmm. bad example. I'm just too lazy to come up with anything more ornate yet plausible. haha.

anyway, do you see the uncanny resemblance between Irwansyah and Ricardo Kaka? I do! look at the hair, the smile, the physique! similar right? just that I think Kaka is the hotter one though. hehehe.

oh! and Acha resembles Kaka's wife... what's her name? both are teenagers, have the same long hair, their body shape and all that are similar too.

such perfect couples both of them.

to my dear one, till I close my eyes...

2006-11-28T00:59:00.000+08:00

I am in deep shit! really deep shit!

luckily I saw Cindy's nick on MSN.

1500 word essay to be submitted on 1st December.

"Discuss the workings of our brain as to our consciousness in relation to the nervous system." ????!!!!!??????

I'm clueless about this la k.

and I haven't started on it! look what's today's date!

how could I ever in the world forget about this freaking essay.

damn it's gonna be sleepness nights for me in the next 3 fucking short days.

flu. sore throat. ulcer in my mouth.

thank you very much.

2006-11-21T01:45:00.000+08:00

what is intended to be good for us is really just frigid, and I'll let time take its toll, as I've promised myself that I'll put her before you if anything were to happen.

sure, it gives you rights to make demands of me, in any capacity you find me failing. but when sacrifices have to be made, only one person's happiness matters.

and the truth is, the past could not so easily be left behind. but you shouldn't care about those damn people. I don't care about them too. what matters to me is you; don't speak to me anymore about what happened then because with you, I cannot be who I was. I'm not expecting anything from you but your understanding. I had confessed to you, exposing not simply what I had done, but who I was, my faults, my mistakes. start fresh, it's all I want. it'll be like resetting my image although I don't think I have it in me to be what everyone else wants.

you're right. I always don't talk to you rightly. like yesterday, the fact that I had called you by that name was because you had gone out of your bloody mind. the anger in me was rising, taking full control, an intensity of feeling I'd never known before, a demon stronger than lust or love, and that word just shot out of my mouth.

I think what you're doing to yourself now might throw me over the edge. whatever is happening outside, you must not let it sink into your flesh. do not punish your body for what it cannot control or else I will not forgive myself.

anyway, in the morning yesterday, I rose earlier than usual, wept after putting down the phone, slept and woke up again with eyes like golf balls.

nevertheless I still went out to accompany my cousin sister. we cruised over to bugis and town in search of one freaking skirt at Fox. it was a rather stressful moment for me as I was shuttling between comforting her when it was out of stock at most stores, and hogging my handphone, attending to the psychosomatic nature of man.

albeit bringing along my digicam, I couldn't really bother with them images. I was too stressed out dealing with the said persons. thus, it made me do something I never thought of doing again.

stop blackmailing me k. you know I do.

2006-11-18T14:22:00.000+08:00

finally I can have the luxury of time to catch up on my reading.

the recently ended examination has kept me away from any other books except the one titled Health Psychology. a huge sigh of relief too that I've completed the essay which is due in a week's time. it's always a pleasure to prepare your work in advance.

yet it has crossed my mind that the distinctions I got for my essays or my overall grade do not even matter to you because your perception of what I'm studying now will not change. but I'm persevering because I'm studying for my future, not so much for yours. from now onwards, I am going to use reverse psychology whenever you talk to me about this.

You: your school is for unsuccessful people.
Me: that's exactly what I'm thinking too. I must be unsuccessful and that's the reason why I'm here.

You: now the one who wins the "Cleverest Among Your Relatives" award is so and so.
Me: now that you mention it, I'm not the cleverest anymore and really, I cannot outwin so and so whose points are of polytechnic standard.

BLEARGH. maybe I will puke if I were to say something like the above. nevertheless, I proceed undaunted!

anyway, this book I'm currently reading is very literature-ish. I still manage to read in between the lines although the last time I studied an english literature text was three years ago.

I still prefer sastera melayu though. =)

to distill my reasoning to the purest form, malay is my native language and I realise the importance of getting in touch with my malay roots. in this modernizing world where malay kids are groomed to speak engrish, oops, english at home, bahasa melayu has masked and its value has decreased.

surely we malays sometimes find that it's harder to speak proper malay than to speak proper english, no?

it is in fact harder to say "saya hendak makan" than "I want to eat".

on another note, I'm thinking if I should continue working at CSC or look for other jobs.

2006-11-14T17:07:00.000+08:00

Step Up - Samantha Jade

(Step Step Step Up)
This is somethin for the radio
(Step Step Step Up)
This is somethin for the radio
(Step Step Step Up)
This is somethin for the radio
(Step Step Step Up)

[Chorus]
Boy, no matter what we go through
You step up I'll step up too
It don't matter what the haters say
As long as you are my boo
And no matter how hard it gets
This love will have no regrets
As long as when we steppin on the dancefloor
It's me and you

Feel the rhythm of the beat, that's my heart
Cupid shot me with the arrow from the start
And you know that it's your love that's got me trapped
Everytime I try to leave you bring me back
So much water at times I cried a river
You dried my eyes and brought me back to laughter
And when I lay next to you I wanna wake up
And when I break up it's only to make up

[Chorus]

If we don't step up we'll loose our groove
So confused don't know which way to move
Pull my hand and let me know you feel me too
Look into my eyes and tell me baby I love you
Never get wet cuz I'll be your umbrella
We can make it through any kind of weather
You step up I'll step up boy
Cuz I'm tryin to be with you forever

[Chorus]

When I step in a place, I feel my feet
Lifting from underneath
You grab my hands, spin me round
And right before I fall
You catch me and you say
Baby, it'll be okay
Just look into my eyes
And we will make another day

[Chorus]x2

Step Up
This is somethin for the radio
(Step Step Step Up)
This is somethin for the radio
This is somethin for the radio
(Step Step Step Up)

[Chorus]

damn. great movie with great soundtracks with great dance moves. I'm loving it.

2006-11-13T20:41:00.000+08:00

went to catch two movies for two days consecutively.

on Sunday, the boyfriend and I caught Step Up which is a movie about love and dance. the movie's soundtracks are awesome! while sitting in the cinema, you may just feel like getting up on your feet and dance to the songs. it's that awesome if I may add. don't believe? listen to this.

and for those who have not gone clubbing before, this movie will inspire you to club. haha. it shows you the magic and beauty of dance la. the above song is definitely sexier when accompanied by the dance. it doesn't hurt also that my dear Channing Tatum is superdivinegloriously hot! Jenna Dewan is sooo gorgeous to boot.

at least I have a reason to be jealous over her right?

on Monday we went to the movies again. we watched The Covenant this time round. again, the actors are all so hot. not the actress though. for an ang moh standard, Laura Ramsey is not so hot in my opinion. anyway the actor and actress do affect my decision in choosing a movie. I didn't have an idea what the movie was about then as we were deciding on a not-so-bad movie which was starting as early as we arrived there. it was a little bad afterall. I'd rather go for movies which are more credible than those which showcase supernatural powers.

bored while waiting for him to fetch me, thus the narcissism.

came late, but still can smile. tsk.

the end.

2006-11-09T22:05:00.000+08:00

semenjak dua menjak ni aku tengok makin ramai pulak yang ambil gambar secara upclose. I guess my idea must be working - people want assurance whether or not they have a pretty or handsome face. heh.

I was listening to the radio earlier and this female caller was telling everyone on air that some stranger came up to her and told her she's pretty.

after she had hung up the phone another female called and lashed back at the said person, intentionally mentioning that SHE shouldn't be overconfident.

the deejay on shift then posed this question: why do females frequently get jealous whenever they see someone prettier than them or they surely have something to say whenever other females self-proclaim that they are pretty.

as I am typing this, thoughts of a certain hamba Allah galvanised me. I suddenly wonder why I should be so-called jealous when I, and most other people, know she can't hold a candle to me. maybe external reasons play a part, I'm not sure.

enough ranting, my days are getting better and better. and I don't get angry or irritated as often. someone should feel relieved.

both the man and the boy knew how to make their faces more attractive... not.

I hereby declare that I look fat in blue.

2006-11-08T02:00:00.000+08:00

so last Saturday we had this crazy idea to take a close up picture of ourselves to really determine whether we are pretty or not.

erm, no comments please.

thank God my weekends were rather well-spent or else I'd again be blaming this raya for being as mundane as my blog.

on Sunday, went to his sister's open house.

as well as my aunt's open house.

I realised the subsequent photos were more blurred so rather than postng them up, I will broadcast the videos instead.

a hari raya song for all, complete with the joget for entertainment purposes.

it was also a hari raya cum birthday celebration for my cousin, Ana. a bit touching, this one, as compared to the previous zany video.

that's about all. you've been waiting for this entry right, dear?

2006-11-04T14:07:00.000+08:00

raya this time is as mundane as my blog. I've not been out celebrating the festive month, or so I feel. later the family will be visiting the relatives and it's only the fourth time we're out raya-ing. furthermore, whenever people call up to express their intention of going to my house, my mother will tell them not to, either because the house is already full of people or that we're going out.

it doesn't help that my collection now amounts to a miserable 14 buckeroos.

2006-10-27T23:25:00.000+08:00

another supervisor made me fucken hot today. early in the morning. okay not so early la... it was close to 11am already. still, how worse can that get?

told her I couldn't make it to work as I had school at the very last minute. out of foolishness she preached that I should have called earlier to inform her. dah sah aku cakap aku dapat tahu last minute, macam mana nak call siang-siang?

satu kebodohan yang sungguh terserlah!

and please la eh. your language sucks so don't even try to speak with a slang. it makes you sound stupider. tsk.

after all that she was still not satisfied and asked me for some documents as proofs. think I got time to entertain is it? dia fikir apa nak proof-proof ni semua?

anyway, forget about that. after school I travelled all the way to the clinic at hougang to get some medication for my skin. hope these antibiotics work because the last time I was diagnosed with antibiotics, I had developed very bad rashes after a few days of consumption.

after that I went home since my mother told to come home early pasal nak jalan raya. sekali aku balik mak aku semua takde. then got to know that my grandfather just got admitted to the hospital due to respiratory problems. the boyfriend was sweet enough to make his way back to my block to accompany me to the hospital. before taking the bus I was feeling half-hearted about going there because Alexandra hospital is so far away and it was close to 6pm already. but after his advice that visiting my sick grandfather is a good thing afterall, I continued on though I knew he had a hidden motive which was yet to be revealed.

when he finally did reveal, he said that at least he had my company while going home. I knew it! hehe. tapi takpe. every cloud has a silver lining. at the hospital my uncle had given me $15 as extra cash. just at the right time when I feel I'll have a difficult time with the few dollars left. haha!

2006-10-25T11:33:00.000+08:00

first day of raya was, to lack of a better word, good. lots of collection, lots of food, lots of eye candies, etc. hehe. well I didn't go to work eventually. woke up early yesterday to get my MC. my father already warned that I mustn't be working on the first day of raya. anyway, tired to type more, let the pictures speak a thousand words.

my very cute brother.

kalau baju hijau, mata pun kena hijau.

me with the sister.

the whole family. the two boys really spoil the picture la.

lain rumah jadi lainlah hairstyle. haha.

cousins.

the ladies.

on the bus.

merepek vogue pose caught on camera.

2006-10-17T23:13:00.000+08:00

I'll be working on the first day of raya!

this is too much for someone my age! I'm 17! a part-timer at that!

I don't effing care if majority of the workers are malays and that we malays can't be given an off-day otherwise Singapore will not be eating pizza and kentucky fried chicken for the day.

a liiitle exagerrating but! I have my point. this is really ridiculous! how can I be working on hari raya?!

what a boring night as well. been chatting, surfing the net, ironing and folding a humungous pile of clothing. they say women are great multi-taskers. hehe.

today the boyfriend was critically appraising my figure and said that I look slim. did he just only realise that? sheesh!

and I haven't done my raya preparations. baju dah beli tapi kain takde. I've yet to get matching bag and shoes. I want the contact lens also.

so far only one thing done. the hair and that's it.

2006-10-15T00:31:00.000+08:00

dalam pada saat-saat begini, menghanyut ke alam logamaya adalah perkara paling mulia yang ingin kulakukan.

I guess my workplace was so desperate for workers that they even called me back to resume work while I was making my way home. sheesh!

dah ngantuk, apa lagi. my reply was a quick NO. haha.

actually yesterday Gokila the supervisor already enquired if I could work split shift instead of working till 3pm. have I said before I have been having a big issue with most supervisors from my previous job till now?

while I was breaking fast at work last night, I'd logged out of the system to avoid getting calls while eating. then that fugly Gokila came up to me and this other girl who was also breaking fast.

Fugly: who gave ya'll the permission to log out? I know you are breaking fast but please be considerate. you're eating but the rest are answering calls.

Dela: can't you see we're breaking fast? and we're only taking a few minutes off what.

I had to cut in because the other girl didn't want to talk back and moreover I'm famous at doing the said. after which, I straightaway logged in while she was still blabbering.

Fugly: I'm talking to you! don't log in first!

but I gave a I-couldn't-care-less face and did my own things. she was fuming mad yeah. haha.

tapi darah aku tetap meluap-luap beb.

haiz macam nak MC je besok.

2006-10-11T14:30:00.000+08:00

I swear my mind's not at ease.

even as I was praying I couldn't really concentrate. it's really up to Him if my prayers be accepted.

I'm not going to help because that would definitely complicate matters. you are supposed to help yourself, else you will never learn.

I can only pray to God that you won't continue to create trouble for yourself which will affect everyone around you.

please, the next time you promise something, live up to it. otherwise, don't expect me to trust you ever again.

2006-10-10T19:48:00.000+08:00

the MRT was as crowded as Geylang during the Ramadhan month. for a moment I was wondering if it's public holiday today. haha.

working for four hours from 11 to 3 is usually fine. today especially. no customer pissed me off except one.

she had requested for any chicken parts except drumsticks but when the delivery arrived, she was presented with four drumsticks. so she called up Pizza Hut/KFC CSC and I was unlucky enough to be answering her call. first I asked if she insisted that no drumsticks be delivered because if she had, then the CS agent who attended to her earlier on would have called up the restaurant itself to confirm with the manager that this certain customer really does not want drumsticks.

by the way she wasn't the one who called the CSC to place the order, it was her daughter. so I told her that maybe the latter didn't insist on not wanting drumsticks. but she snapped back at me pronto saying her daughter did insist and it was not her fault that the delivery included drumsticks. heck, she didn't even stop complaining over the phone to pry into her daughter if she had really insisted. mati-mati tak nak kalah. still wanted the blame to be put on us. anyway, I couldn't be bothered to entertain her anymore so I let the supervisor handle her.

honestly I don't really agree with this "policy" that customers are always right. if customers are not wronged even if they are hell in the wrong, what will become of them? they will step on our head, take the opportunity to request for discounts, free items, etc to sort of make up for their loss. I've handled some customers of this kind before and sometimes they have the audacity to demand something which is worth more than the amount they have lost. this bravery, in my opinion, comes from the so-called rule that we should give in to customers all the time. no wonder Singaporean customers are so fussy, so kiasu and so particular about everything.

besides that, many malay customers called to order today between 11am to 3pm. nampak sah tak puasa la kan. the first caller preferred to go by Mr Ben. mana nye Ben je la. konon nak cover up yang dia tu bukan melayu padahal he was speaking with a malay air and when I asked to hold on a moment, he was talking to his other malay friends in normal malay. suruh deliver kat bawah blok lagi. tsk tsk.

tu takpe. yang lagi satu ada kat Geylang lorong mana entah tapi takde nak sembunyi-sembunyi yang dia tu melayu. terus direct berbual melayu dengan aku. in the background I can hear a guy giggling when the girl was placing her order.

sigh. apa nak jadi dengan orang Islam sekarang.

2006-10-06T21:25:00.000+08:00

I didn't realise how much this post means to him until I asked him this question that night: when did you really start to love me?

and he said it was a few days after we got together. then when I was about to reply him, he said, "but you know what, I really really started to love you when I read your entry dedicated to me."

he continued, "since then, I never doubted your love for me anymore."

I reckon it's true that I don't really show signs of affection physically whenever I'm in a relationship. because I never want to appear as being too smitten and crazy over my guy. that doesn't mean I'm ever crazy over my guys though. at least not with Sha. I love him because he loves me much more than I love him. get it?

okay never mind. I've never had someone who holds my hand like he does. I've never had someone who looks at me like he does. I've never had someone who treats me like he does. and the list goes on.

he likes it whenever I blog about him and he likes it even more when nice things are being said. hehe. unfortunately he can't reach cyberspace as often these days.

heh. just as I wanted to keep my love life as private as possible. this is what I mean by revealing too much information whenever I blog.

on another note, I got my sleeping pills. yay! looking forward to getting a good sleep later.

2006-10-02T20:25:00.000+08:00

I wasn't fasting today so I felt it was okay to curse her alright. as much as I would like to, I just couldn't stand it. she came back after break time with a 7-eleven plastic bag in her hand. shamelessly and voluntarily she took out a piece of chocolate each time, and put it into her mouth. she was very aware there were three other muslim girls in the classroom and all three could clearly see that she was not fasting, that's one, and two, she wasn't respecting the month of Ramadhan.

good enough that she was just wearing a t-shirt and jeans today albeit the intentional exposing of her midriff. maybe I shan't blame her that her t-shirt was freaking tight because she has big breasts. if she had worn skimpy clothes (like she always do), say the usual low-cut shirts which highlight her cleavage, I'd have cursed and sworn her even more because I simply hate the sight of muslims who don't respect this holy month. of course I don't expect all muslim girls to cover their aurat from head to toe because what's the purpose of doing it only during this month? but at least respect as much as you can la.

I am a very observant person during my quiet days and I was terribly quiet today because I was sleeping with eyes open while the lecturer was giving his lecture. so I observed what most people in the class were doing. I swear work and cheebyepookeemekfarkingarsehole customers and a supervisor have shagged me out. but this is what you call customer service. so, I'm being patient while I still can. heh. like what I told Ella, I wanna try to break my record of one week working for Risis. oh work tomorrow morning till night. thank you very much.

on another note, my mother was very happy when I told her the portion of money I'll be giving her when my pay comes in. with a huge smile on her face, she thanked God while saying some prayers on the spot. haha.

and my last note. I love you of all things except one - your work attitude stinks. you think I like to nag is it? you think I have nothing better to do other than mothering you around? but how can I not do that when you keep worrying me? okay and another one, try to listen to people and not just do things your way.

God forgive me, I'm bad-mouthing too many people today.

2006-09-27T20:49:00.000+08:00

I've been having bad sleeping problems.

so bad that they are quite worthy of attention.

as usual I couldn't sleep last night and only slumbered at around 3am. woke up to eat an hour later due to my mother's high-pitched sing-song wake-up call.

sungguh membingitkan!

after my pre-dawn meal, I kept tossing and turning in bed and finally fell asleep at 7am, keeping in mind that I'll be waking up two hours later to get ready for work.

when it was time, Shaheed called but I didn't answer his call the first few times because I was bloody damn fucking sleepy. although the flesh was weak, the mind was willing so I still got up.

some more it was my first day taking real orders today. but I shan't elaborate on that because it wasn't a good experience due to external and internal factors.

teringat aku time belajar Social Studies dulu. hahaha.

anyway, the internal factor first. my period is around the corner and quite uniquely for me, I'll already start to display the symptoms of a premenstrual female even before my period is due.

and the only predictable behavioural trait during these dark days is overreaction to any given situation, whether it be with tears, fits of hysteria, anger or violence. those who know me well enough will know that whenever I'm angry, annoyed or anything of that sort, my temper will be uncontrollable. by then I won't be the normal, sweet and nice me anymore.

and the external factor was that some people were showing me their attitude. I feel sorry for them because they were showing their respective APs to the wrong person la eh. what's with guys and egotism and what's with girls and big mouth?

I swear my mood is still not too good right now. the handphone is switched off. the home calls are left unanswered. I'm keeping a distance from everyone lest they be my victims for venting my anger.

it's the fasting month but I still can't get hold of my emotions. I knew it wasn't right and it was useless to cry, but I cried a little anyway.

2006-09-26T05:36:00.000+08:00

work was good, rather, training was good because...

I broke-fast at my workplace on my first day there.
I was provided with free pizza and garlic bread by the trainer.
I had a one-on-one coaching since the other fella didn't want to accept the job, or so I heard from the telephone conversation.
abang Annuar was being extremely nice from the moment he saw me till it was time for me to leave.
I kept getting praised for being a fast learner.

but the nice scenes at work were tarnished when...

I saw many minahs were going to start work also.
minah yang tak puasa tanpa segan silunya minum air tin depan aku. then she was shouting at her friend across her that she lied to her mom that she was fasting that day. macam bangga lah tak puasa, cool dan happening gitu. eeww! menyampah!
when I was about to start training, two malay guys zoomed in. sekali one of them was Muzzafar la! that casanova!
as if that sounds bad enough, he then attempted to flirt with me. whatever he said to me or asked, my replies were all monosyllabic. excuse me, playboy, it's not as if I'd just known you yesterday.
the girls in the call room were staring at me - like what, was there anything that was missing in me?

oh, and the downside to everything was that I didn't get to catch Singapore Idol la. supposedly the manager told me that training will commence on Wednesday. apasal boleh jadi semalam pulak sak. bodoh mangkok betul. baru nak tengok Taufik Batisah, and of course Hady Mirza. by the way, thanks eh Singapore for not being idiots and vote for the wrong person to be our SI.

2006-09-23T13:07:00.000+08:00

going for the interview at customer service Pizza Hut later. and then meeting up with the bf. yay. missing him already although we just met a few hours ago.

I can't bloody wait to start working and have my own cash. mmm, cash. it's a good word. I like the way it sounds, and I like the way it feels. it's hard currency. it's control. it's power in its most primal form. when I hear people getting their pay and shopping their asses out, I very jealous tau.

so the fasting month starts tomorrow. it's time to disco. eh salah, time to reflect on your wrongdoings la.

2006-09-19T21:54:00.000+08:00

To: Kutti

my kutti, this is the truth. when I first looked at you I knew there was something in you and I just thought of giving it a try and take you as my girl. I just wanted to forget about my Mystery Girl and carry on with life. but I made you my girl not just to forget her but also to try to love you and make you my long-time girlfriend. I never did thought I would really love you this fast. the way you are has really made me fall for you. now I really love you...

2006-09-19T14:28:00.000+08:00

I want jet black hair!

not just black, but jet black.

because coloured hair is becoming too boring that I feel every Singaporean woman has the same typical brownish/blonde dyed hair.

moreover, I presume I would look good with jet black hair as it'll contrast my fair skin (just like how I look good in jet black, ok, black clothings).

I am further tempted to have jet black hair after seeing two gorgeous women who are fair-skinned and yes, who have jet black hair.

see Miss Japan 2006...

isn't that fabulous??

see also Siti Nurhaliza's current hair colour.

wah I can't wait to blacken mine already. hehe.

2006-09-13T12:51:00.000+08:00

since this website suggests that I resemble the following celebrities, I assume I am gorgeous. hahahahaha. macam betul je.

the percentage reads that I most look like Hilary. but I still want to look as close to Keira as possible can?

2006-09-11T12:58:00.000+08:00

I know that blogging makes me learn a lot - which is the reason why I've been blogging for almost five years already.

but I also know that whenever I blog, I reveal something of myself. which, for me, is always too much.

that can be lethal, no?

2006-09-04T15:12:00.000+08:00

been suffering from a mild illness the past three days. he'll be coming to visit me after work. hehe. so sweet la. told him not to come if he's tired but since he persisted with his entreaties, I surrendered. haha. like what Joy Enriquez says, "how can I not love you?"

with him, I've found the definition of happiness (I'm always searching for definitions anyway). happiness is to be with the one. and to be the only one for the other. love's a miracle. a way of seeing someone... suffused by light. love's an extra dimension to sight. it gives a light that only the loved one seems to have. and only the lover sees. that's how I see... Shaheed.

hehe swerving away from the mushyness, my father promised to buy me a good, expensive watch since the cheap ones often do not last long. I'm thinking of Swatch - Hidden Secrets. looks elegant yet sporty. I wonder if it's in stock. if it is I definitely must get it. been going out without a watch nowadays. so uncomfortable la.

2006-08-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

sometimes it strikes me that I deserve to be so happy after being introduced to some of the worst men on earth. from the moment I saw him, I knew I will love him till I die. God has really blessed me this time - he's such a gift.

yesterday we sat eye to eye and kissed. to a trained observer like myself, it takes the merest tightening of the muscles round the mouth to show the meanness of the soul. I enjoyed the slight tension of his arm muscles as I held them before the predatory swoop of my lips. hehe. his face witnessed truth and love. I felt no pain. I thought we should love each other... profoundly.

it helps that my family like him. he knows he makes me happy whenever he visits my folks and he twinkles back at each and every smile of mine. eversince my mother met him, she and I have often engaged in semi-banters. it is our own language barrier. it has a certain style and specific rules. an essential between a teenage child and parent. my father doesn't really say much but I do know he likes my boyfriend. one thing though, his legal training naturally leads him to believe that a question-and-answer technique is the road to the truth. ultimately that technique is what that makes me bring him home to see my parents. my father always forgets that I'm not under oath.

after watching a video on love at school the other day, I reckon we do make a perfect couple. he's tall and I'm short, so our kids will be of average heights. he's tanned and I'm fair, and so our kids' colouring will be intense. he looks like a Pakistani while I look like a Filipina, therefore our kids' faces will be slightly exotic. hahahaha. but I was laughing at the ludicrousness of the theories in that video.

I marvel at what a secret thing the human heart is, and the human mind. a merciful protection for us all. for who would survive a journey round the mind of another? then again, who can fail to believe that the intensity of one's adoration, if further developed, will not elicit a response? "if there is love in this heart," the saying goes, "then there is love in that heart. for one hand claps not without the other." how seductive. these were my idle thoughts on a walk with him after we left my house.

I wish I can create a mathematical formula for happiness and become famous. hahaha. we have made plans for the future. and for the immediate future at least, it seems that our relationship would survive.

"I've never had this kind of connection...
You're the only one..
I tend to throw caution to the wind when I'm with you...
I feel safe no matter what happens...
I feel protected...
I feel that I can trust you with my heart, my soul and my life...

I give you all without hesitation..."

so not photogenic... the left one.

2006-08-25T20:23:00.000+08:00

I was never promiscuous. I chose my lovers with intelligence and, I believe, some originality. though my victims were players on a board of my design, even my arbitrary, predatory swoops were accomplished with some artistry.

I also believe that I am beautiful because my boyfriend loves me; not otherwise. a statement of fact. a statement of power. I don't have a pair of deep-set eyes. my nose is not long, narrow and straight. my mouth is not strong that even without lipstick my lips are red. I have, however, overall "seductive looks" as cited from him. hahahahaha. not that I intend on the seduction of my lover.

the guys I met before him usually found that their advances towards me elicited a response of such vague elusiveness that they eventually retreated after being attracted by the mysterious quality surrounding me. baffled, some had their pride still in place, while others didn't.

I have never been interested in handsome men. this is not because I believe that they are necessarily vain; nor indeed that they are incapable, as is often implied, of loving deeply. no. I know that nature is not all-bountiful, and, having endowed charm, it will almost certainly not feel the necessity to be generous with other qualities.

my boyfriend's smiling, courtly face is a veritable topography of the balances and planes of light and shade that make him appear so cute to me, not handsome, albeit being commented by my mother as having the looks of a Bollywood hero. hahaha. he never fails to make me smile and I especially love it when he shoots a look of affection towards me. ironically, that look, or whenever he talks about this other girl, makes me seem lost in thought sometimes. why do I interest him? how serious are we about each other? me? very. him?

I will continue another time. this entry is for the sake of updating. right now I have more crucial things to do like start on my 2000-word assignment which is due next month and pack my belongings. aku nak pergi pasrah di tanjong rambutan. hahaha.

2006-08-15T17:02:00.000+08:00

as promised, pictures from the wedding in Malaysia.

Aniq was primmed and cool and all set to go.

like last week, it was another soporific ride to Kota Tinggi.

but we did stop at Mini Kelantan for an hour or so to rest, shop and to answer Mother Nature's call. I was at this cafeteria...in my baju kurung, and for once I felt like a wanita mithali. hahaha. however in Malaysia it's not so bad la.

albeit our timewasting at Mini Kelantan, we still arrived at the kampung too early. therefore we had to wait at one of the neighbour's house where we were served typical kampung food.

take a look at the gubahan after I arranged them nicely (just for the sake of taking photos). hehehe.

anyway, this is what I would say a kampung like in the olden days... a house made of wood. I chose the three musketeers to be my models in this picture. hahaha.

after a few freaking hours, it was time for the 'berarak'. I don't know where the hell the kompang group had disappeared to.

passing down the gubahan...

my initial image of the bride.

after a while, the big 'berinai' ceremony started. rice and a mixture of flour was applied to the palms and foreheads of the couple, as a sign of blessing. I was told to do that too, but I didn't want to embarrass myself lest I'd do the wrong thing. hehe.

when everything has finished, we helped ourselves to chow outside the house. I didn't eat anything because for goodness sake, it was already nearing 11pm then. moreover, my eyes already felt heavy my eyeballs would pop out anytime. haha.

after that was my favourite part - taking photos with the married couple. hehe. I looked downright awkward standing short in the middle, all by myself, when the people on my left, right and front were all couples.

my family, with the absence of my sister.

finally, we brought back the gubahan for the bridegroom.

okay I admit I'm damn lazy to type more. blogging with pictures takes up a lot of my time.

2006-08-07T21:05:00.000+08:00

do you know how much I love....... love love love the song 'Dealova' by Once Dewa? I probably won't get sick of it no matter how often I play it on the radio, laptop, MP3 player, et cetera.

I've also heard Siti Nurhaliza's rendition of 'Dealova'. damn I love it sooo much. she sings with a voice so warm, soft and resonant, touched with a hint of sincerity. watch the video.

anyway, my cousin got engaged with a Malaysian girl yesterday and so I went to Kota Tinggi. we had to leave early in the morning to avoid the jam at the causeway. it was a very long journey indeed but my day was made fun by playing with the kids at the back seat of the car. hahaha.

when narcissism set in...

it's been lightyears since I last visited a kampung. too bad that my cousin's fiancee's is kind of like a modernised kampung la. I was expecting it to be like a kampung in the olden days where the cows and chickens can be seen along the road. but I saw none. so disappointed. haha.

you know the feeling was like, ah, to be back there! to taste once more, even if only for a moment, that kind of serenity you can only feel by being in a kampung. nevertheless, the house wore an air of friendliness, of welcome, and it appeared to beckon beguilingly.

my cousin's the one in white by the way.

and then the ceremony began.

that's me and my mother with my soon-to-be relative, which is tomorrow, since she and my cousin are engaged for 2 days before they wed. weird, but true. how come it's like that, I've no idea. so don't try to ask me.

the food was okay la, but I definitely could do with more. I mean, the engagement was worth RM11111.11. so I guess it wouldn't hurt to provide the guy's side with dishes that are more in both quality and quantity, right?

the hosts sending us off...

bye-bye... I'll be back again with pictures from the wedding in Malaysia next. watch this space.

2006-07-31T21:51:00.000+08:00

okay one more evidence to prove I'm not too thin.

at this very moment, I am being surrounded by a packet of Chipsmore, a packet of Cheese Balls, a bar of Vanhouten, a large cup of Slurpee and a can of ice lemon tea - all to myself.

I'm in a if-I-don't-make-myself-feel-special-no-one-else-will kind of mood, which explains the amount of junk I'm indulging in.

the folks came back a while ago carrying lots of stuff with them. and my mother bought this gorgeous Pierre Cardin handbag. I'm green-eyed now. haha.

it's confirmed. I've inherited my liking for bags from my mother.

2006-07-31T02:24:00.000+08:00

people have been telling me I'm too thin and I can't deny there is that whoa! feeling inside of me.

I don't get how anyone can say I am thin when my daily activities are sleep-eat-a bit of housework-laptop-sleep, plus school on mondays and thursdays.

I continue to get along that basis without engaging in any form of exercises. so how the hell can I be thin??

maybe I have a fast metabolism rate. maybe too, it's due to the fact that I imbibe lots of plain water that I frequently substitute fizzy or syrup drinks with yes, plain water.

sebab itulah aku selalu kencing lama macam dah tahan 70 hari.

anywaaayyy everyday before I shower I would admire my body in the mirror and the horror! bulging tummy! I wish I can shed these fats and build up a few abs for the phwoar factor. then I'd look like the muscular Keira Knightley. haha. so you see, I am not too thin afterall.

I can't stand not exercising any longer la. I need kakis to go to gym or jog with me. I hate jogging alone especially at the park near my house where matreps usually linger. added the fact that they will kacau you with the wolf-whistlings and what nots, makes me hate jogging at the park even more.

I guess if there's no one to accompany me I might even consider hiring a personal trainer. berbual macam banyak duit gitu. hahahahaha. but think how many girls would kill to have a personal trainer at their disposal? especially since I am the type who swoons over guys with nice bodies, packs, et cetera... I guess I wouldn't help noticing a trainer's throbbing muscles. haha.

wah... long digression there. anyway, yeah the bottomline is I'M NOT TOO THIN.

I eat like a glutton. in fact I don't just eat... I snarf my food. nowadays, I finish my food way faster than my boy friends. hm what more evidence must I give to assure you I'm not thin?

okay this is beside the point. how come water keeps dripping from the air-con? aku dah macam budak belo lap lantai pagi-pagi buta.

2006-07-26T22:42:00.000+08:00

eversince the day Siti Nurhaliza announced her engagement and wedding dates to the public, everyone is getting more stressed up I think. well, I can say that most of the people I'm around with have no other issues to talk about besides this.

and I swear I'm getting really annoyed. it's her life. let her do what she wants la. who are we to decide who she should marry. even her father has given the green light so we are in hell no position to protest and stop her from marrying Datuk K. tapi kalau masih nak mengamuk tu, hentak-hentak kaki sudah. hahaha.

she may be the 2nd best Asian artist but that does not make her a Goddess that we all should worship, right? remember that Allah s.w.t. is our God. He has his reasons for bringing Siti and Datuk K together and maybe the latter is able to provide happiness for Siti. so instead of criticizing Datuk or hating Siti for marrying someone whom you'd never even think of marrying, why don't we pray that she has a blessed matrimony?

imagine how Siti and Datuk K will feel if they were to read those hurtful comments and accusations on Datuk and his children even. goodness, just spare those innocent beings. let them lead their lives. I know Siti is even recognised in the US but originally, she is just like You and Me who wants to have a family of her own.

if you are her true fan, you will be supporting her all the way. you will always wish her the best in life, not to ever bring her down.

as a neutral fan, I will never believe she's marrying Datuk for the money or status even. hell, she's a millionaire herself why would she greed for more? anyway, we all know that she is NOT the type. wonder why God made her rich, beautiful and famous? that's because He believed Siti is able to stay in control above all, even though she has a heavy responsibilty incumbent upon herself as a singer, an idol, et cetera.

anywaaaay, her decision just teaches us not to go for looks even if you are beautiful like heaven. most of the ugly men are good men by the way. and the handsome ones are most of the time such pain-in-the-ass. moreover, I've long concluded that beautiful women are made for ugly men. the reason simply being that these women will feel more secured because ugly men usually will treasure their beautiful wives and the chances of other women trying to hit on their husbands are pretty slim. unless their husband is rich of course.

however, there are also exceptional cases whereby ugly men are not thankful for what they've got. just fuck these people la.

I pray that nothing of this sort will happen to Siti. because the woman rightfully deserves to have the best husband. Amin.

anyway, back to the issue at hand. when Siti was single, you all talk. now that she's getting married also you all talk. so what, you expect her to be single for an obscene length of time just to make sure everyone is pleased with her choice of husband?! where my sudden burst of emotion is coming from, I have no idea, but it seems right to me (albeit the fact that I'm not a Siti fanatic).

alright alright. just to deviate from this seriousness, watch this video but focus more on the song though. entertaining yet repulsive. =P

2006-07-20T21:59:00.000+08:00

I always see no point in disgracing our own malay community even though there are some malays who deserved to be mocked at for their indecent antics.

but I felt that those malay guys have really gone too far. too far that I had had a full-on tantrum.

I was heading towards the MRT when two matreps breezed past me. I didn't want to look at them in the first place but I had no choice other than to notice their effing disgusting face as they spat out an insult.

matreps will always be matreps. they will create mischief and mayhem just to gain your attention. I really pity myself for living in an area that is swarmed by these typicals.

anyway, you must be wondering what exactly they had said that made me overflow with anger for the rest of the day. they were shouting and repeating this across the road: pantat posh! (posh ass!) whatever that means.

you read that. across the road. where the hell is their diginity?! even if they don't respect themselves, respect others for fuck's sake. women especially!

motherfucking bastards. I wonder what do they take women for? we don't like to be seen as sluts. we HATE it if you try to bring us down.

2006-07-16T11:40:00.000+08:00

kalau orang sudah tidak faham bahasa Inggeris, tetapi masih hendak membaca 'blog' lalu menghancurkan mesej sebenar yang ingin disampaikan kepada orang lain, maka orang itu ibarat manusia bodoh yang tidak berfikiran sihat.

2006-07-05T07:59:00.000+08:00

the World Cup has not been going my way. linadeh katikati wahwah!

Ceska Republika left after the group stages. Brasil went poof as early as the quarterfinals. this is so unexpected, considering they are 5 times World Champion.

and Germany were defeated today! which means I lost my bet with Max. judi duit tak main eh.

saturday...saturday...

2006-07-04T15:15:00.000+08:00

I was showing Kaka's picture (I have loads of it in my PC by the way) to Feza while saying that he's my boyfriend. that girl actually believed me la! when we were on the way home, she asked how old my boyfriend is and commented that he has hot looks. hahaha. inilah orang-orang yang tak tahu tengok bola. well, I wished it was for real. haha. maybe not too, because I wouldn't want a boyfriend who's too good-looking.

then once I reached home, I saw my brother writing his name on a soccer ball. macam autograph gitu la. haha. so cute!

Aniq got fans arh?

2006-07-03T14:31:00.000+08:00

I was the slackest I ever was today. I had to rush to school with uncombed hair, the slackest cropped pants and t-shirt, and make-up worn anyhow. rupa aku macam badut agaknya tadi. hahaha. although no one laughed at me, I was laughing at myself ok.

alas, I was about 20 minutes late la. I guess the upside of being in a private school is that there is no penalty imposed on latecomers. when I was in JC, I would always be late for 3 days per week at least. cikgu pun tanya aku ok ke tak. I've never realised this before but maybe turning up late frequently is considered abnormal.

oh, I love abnormal psychology! Mr I-can't-recall-his-name-although-I-just-saw-him-a-few-hours-ago was saying that it is abnormal if you were to talk to your parents or teachers the same way you talk to your friends. hmmm parents, yes. teachers, no way. I don't respect teachers whom I dislike. remember Old Virginic Moron? yes, the fucking OVM. for your information, it's not easy for me to forgive and forget. I won't forgive you if you say I can't think because I know I have a lot of smarts.

just a diversion by the way. was walking home with Sheryl after school while puffing away. I love how friends there actually provide cigarettes for me. haha. I've always depended on free cigarettes eversince my mother caught me smoking in my room.

ah ok, I'm off to town. it's been awhile.

2006-07-02T20:47:00.000+08:00

I am craving for cheese roti john at the pasar malam.

2006-07-01T02:40:00.000+08:00

it just dawned upon me that I don't usually take the initiative to return whatever stuff I've borrowed to their rightful owners. as long as these people do not ask their belongings to be returned, their possessions will be with me.

to date, there are a few things that I have yet to give back.

Idzuan's VCDs.
Sulaiman's VCDs.
Wani's tote bag.
Nizal's sweater.
Sakinah's CD-ROMs.
BPGHS's Sastera book.
Raihan's CLEO magazine.
Sakinah's rollers.

sigh. I've kept them for a seemingly very long time.

2006-06-28T02:15:00.000+08:00

I am folding a pile of clothes at 2.12am (while typing on Blogger). I wonder which sane person will ever do this.

I've been visiting my grandmother so often these few days. I slept at her house for three days straight and I dropped by again when I was hanging around her area that day. I guess I've been doing it so often that a friend actually asked earlier today if I wasn't going to visit her again.

I thought that was a rather cynical remark because maybe his mindset is such that going to your grandparents' is so un-cool and boring.

but I'd rather be labelled as such than be an ungrateful granddaughter who doesn't express gratitude for the woman who brought your mother into this world, and without your mother, what makes you think there'll be YOU?

I'm beginning to reckon that young people nowadays care more about their friends than kinship. a friend of yours may jolly well be a temporary factor of your life but your family will be there for you for an eternity.

anyway, my point is, it'll be so wrong of you if you were to say things about your own grandmother for goodness sake. vide the excerpt below.

Juz viewed dela cruz's photolog...hmmm..first and foremost congrats to cuzzin bro Taufik on his engagement with Hidayah...and here's something to ponder..somehow there's a BIG QUESTION MARK in my head..conflicts is a norm in my familia...many people in a family...prone to have conflicts..yang mana mulut laser...yang mana jeolous...yang mana tak boleh kalah....yang mana anggek....and so on and so forth.....it just happen...and it's happening....why nenek is being biased?why?kenapa bila my family ada apa2 majlis..we must go and invite in order of hierachy?especially si sipolan tu......kena jemput pergi ke rumah satu2..pakai telepon tak pakai? nak buat apa2 mesti nak discuss with everybody...ok to take things easy..on a positive view....nenek wants us to respect others......the rightful way....mengikut adat....alhamdulillah kita masih boleh mendengar kata nenek...tapi kenapa bila apit nak tunang..nobody actually voice out ...when actually semua dah plan..even my closest cuzzin Ana didn't actually tell me.malahan dah pergi meminang.and yes nenek also followed to go meminang and yet keeping it from mama...and mama is the eldest among all and still kept in the dark..so it's that fair?...not being petty or what...but at least have the same respect I and family gave to si sipolan....tunang is a good thing but the reason nenek gave was.."ini amanah orang..." amanah?nak tunang itu amanah?sedangkan itu satu perkara yang baik? kenapa nenek tak boleh nasihatkan si sipolan sama macam mana nenek nasihat kita...if it's amanah why the youngest aunty,Wina already knew first when apit is getting engaged.I actually talked on the phone with Umi and yes she also knew that apit is getting engaged on the 12th of Feb...so if it's amanah,how come so many people already know except my family??

that was a part of an entry taken from my cousin's blog. to view the rest, click here.

in the first place, what is your status that allowed you to consider nenek as biased with no guilt trip? you actually have no clue what is happening in the family so my advice to you is wait till you have the facts before jumping to a conclusion.

you said sipolan's husband was being childish when he started to text you. aren't you being childish too when you tell the whole wide world how corrupted your relatives are? if you think we are going to refute whatever you have said through blogging, you're goddamn wrong. I'm not going to stain my blog by vilifying my own relatives exactly like what you have done. they are not going to voice out their arguments cowardly through typewritten words either.

and don't say now that you were not expecting that from us because you wouldn't have checked out my blog regularly otherwise.

don't you realise that you are the unsatisfied party? from your recent entries, it is blatant that you're the one who's unhappy with the way things are right now. since that is the case, we shouldn't be the ones to meet you.

you said I was irrrational when I told my mother about your entry. for FUCK'S sake, you know that I read your blog yet you had the effrontery to bad-mouth my mother. how did you expect me to keep mum about it?! which daughter wouldn't want to stand up for her mother's right???????!!!!!!!!!!!!

lest you don't know this, I don't need to seek permission from you before I can tell anyone about your blog. I will decide who I want to convey the information to and even so, I'm still in the right frame of mind by telling only those people whose names are being mentioned in your blog.

it does not matter whether you are praising or criticizing your relatives. either way, if someone is being talked about in a person's blog, the former party will still be affected. if you're mad at me for telling our relatives what you have written, it seems that you never wanted them to know what you feel towards them. so I wonder why you blogged about them in the first place.

perhaps you should just stop blogging because it's really a pity you don't know what blogging is all about. a blog is an online diary and anybody in this world is free to read it. there's also a limit to what you can write and if you fail to abide by the law, don't be surprise if you see yourself getting free food and lodging.

let me make this clear. my blog will not be a victim to our family strife. if you are bitter, meet them. they are waiting too. problems can never be solved through the virtual world and it's damn ridiculous of you to assume that all your relatives will get the message imparted in your blog because as it seems, I am the only blogger among them and I am also the only one who has internet connection at home.

so as long as you continue doing your foolish acts, I will keep reiterating this: you're just a gutless, brainless loser.

2006-06-21T21:47:00.000+08:00

some friends asked why I did not join Singapore Idol or any singing competitions for that matter.

I admit that I love to sing eversince I was a little girl. in fact, I can't live everyday without singing or humming a tune at least.

but I've said before that I do not want to make singing a profession. of course on the surface, there is no occupational hazards involved. however, once glitz, fame and glamour set in, there are more hazardous risks to just physical jeopardy.

especially if you think you are someone who easily goes wayward or becomes unconscious of who you originally are once you're popular, then media-related professions should not be your choice.

a clearcut example is this Singaporean artist who is so snobbish I feel like puking when I look at her face. I know she has been groomed and picked by Malaysia's tip-top film producer to act in his serial drama and also a recent hit movie.

but why be arrogant and annoying as if her acting is so excellent it's capable of subjugating her Singaporean counterparts who have not made a name overseas? perhaps when she makes it to Hollywood, or even Bollywood, only then will I be convinced her acting's near superior.

okay sorry for that bit of digression. I don't know why I'm being an emotionally fucked-up wreck these days.

anyway, back to my point. not that I think I will be like the said person if I'm famous. I'm just not going to take risks.

what is media anyway? methinks it is immoral. it sucks people in, chews them up and then spits them out.

which is the reason why Suria organised Anugerah Skrin and TCS 5, Singapore Idol - to replace the old who are no longer commercial, with fresh new faces. vide Siti Nurhaliza. we can't be sure that she will still be popular when she's married or perhaps after donning the tudung. Siti's fanatics, relax. this is just my view.

moving on to Singapore Idol, today's contestants sucked totally. so far I've not seen any Idol hopefuls whose capability is on a par with Taufik Batisah's. maybe it's still early to judge and even Taufik himself wasn't as good during this stage of the competition as he is now.

but it is Taufik's humbleness and modesty that make him stand out. who says you can't remain lowly after winning the Favourite Singapore Artist award? in terms of character traits, he should be a role model to artists like my previous description. haha.

all in all, no singing competitions for me because think of the sequel of being the champ. what fun is there when you're being chased by paparazzis and your every action is being watched by public?

what's more, you have to work hard in order to maintain yourself in the industry. for all I know, I just want to continue keeping a low profile no matter where I am.

besides, you don't have to tell people your singing is good. they will know if it really is. an example is shown in the video below.

okay I chose that because it has the rhythm I like. hehe. enjoy.

2006-06-19T20:22:00.001+08:00

I didn't get to post this entry yesterday because I returned home late at night but anyway, Happy Father's Day to all fathers! to my Dad, although you scare your children when you are angry, there's still the loving side to you. =)

as I was and still am tired, I did a collage instead of the usual uploading of pictures to my photo album. anyway, it's been a long time since I last did the latter and I'm seeing my online album slowly rot. haha. I just hate waiting for pictures to be uploaded la.

the trip to Ayer Hitam/Batu Pahat was memorable. after we had had our breakfast at Danga Bay, I had to go to the loo. then there was a group of mat malaysia outside the toilet and as I breezed past them, two of them tried to catch my attention whilst saying, "Woohhh.. VOGUE!"

HAHA. me? vogue?? hahaha!!!

besides that, my sister and I had chanced upon one of the "gangsters" who acted in Anak Metropolitan 2 at the Wet World. hmm. I thought not many Singaporeans know about that place but I actually saw some Singaporean families. it's really not that hard to distinguish between Singaporeans and Malaysians from the way we behave and our dressing sense even.

cey... psychology speaking, no?

2006-06-14T17:38:00.000+08:00

I thought the match was a bit of a disappointment because I had expected more goals from the samba boys.

albeit having 6 strikers (not all were official strikers though) moving towards goal, only one managed to find the net. no doubt, it was hard to break the walls of the Croatians and they made it even harder for the Brazilians in the second half. maybe the former team felt that they were undermined and that spurred them on to overpowering the Brazilians. in my opinion, Croatia could have won the match with better finishing.

Kaka was excellent and his goal was one of the best in this competition so far. Ronaldinho showed why he is the best footballer in the world. I was in awe all the time when he dribbled past no less than three opponent players. while most brazilian players deserved praise and credit, I was surprised by Ronaldo's "heaviness" and lack of movement. I definitely would love to see the Ronaldo he used to be.

but at the end of the day, a win is all that matters. and I'm pretty sure Brazil will go on to play Italy in the second round.

2006-06-13T23:39:00.000+08:00

for fuck's sake, I don't care if you're hurt by what I've said.

but it's very insulting that you are using your bike to attract me to go on a date with you.

I'm not a typical malay female who will dawdle around a typical malay male in anticipation of being invited to hop on your bike for pleasure or whatever reasons.

for your information, I would rather go for cars. and no, that does not make me a minah.

anyways, on a totally different note, my first psych essay was graded a distinction. not bad. at least my mother is now more convinced that I can still be the clever girl she expects me to be albeit attending school twice a week for a total of five hours. thank God. those blabberings will stop.

I can't wait for Brasil's opening match!!

2006-06-09T15:51:00.000+08:00

once the World Cup competition commences, the world's attention will automatically be diverted to the world's greatest sport (or so I believe), football.

I for one will again be rooting for the samba kings, Brazil! heh, why not England you may ask, since I am supporting the english Liverpool team. I was bound to watch the english league and support an english team simply because the EPL is most popular in Singapore. cable tv here doesn't even show matches from the brazilian league. the only brazilian team I know is Sao Paulo and that's only after Liverpool played them in the Club World Championship.

anyway, I believe that brazilian football team have produced the most number of skilful players, some of the best in the world. albeit being brought to the world much much later than these legends, Pele, Romario and few others are whom I know of as the greatest and famous in World Cup history.

currently, Brazil have very promising players like Kaka, Ronaldo, Robinho, Adriano and of course the FIFA World Player of the Year himself, who is also my personal favourite footballer besides Steven Gerrard, Ronaldinho. what's more, the samba beat generated and the samba dance displayed are just awesome.

anyway, Sao Paulo beat Liverpool for the World Champions title. hm, see my point?

but no matter what, I am still... a Red through and through. as for now till the World Cup ends... GO BRAZIL!!!

hehe. on another note, I think CHANNING TATUM from She's The Man is superdivinegloriously HOT! the girls in the cinema were oohing and aahing and just couldn't stop swooning over him. I was no exception. hehehe. ooohhhh look at that hot bod!

2006-06-05T19:08:00.000+08:00

I need to get The Shades. I want and I have to.

2006-06-01T23:19:00.000+08:00

I was wondering what I would look like with brown hair. so with the wonders of photoshop...

2006-05-30T15:10:00.000+08:00

yesterday, Elan called using an unknown number. perhaps he realised I wouldn't have answered the phone if I knew it was him who was calling.

Elan: hey Dela! it's been so hard to contact you nowadays. are you okay?

Me: erm yeah, I'm fine. just that I've been very busy with school and stuff.

Elan: oh. but you're only schooling for two days per week right?

dang. I suddenly remembered that I told him I've transferred school. why was I being such a dork??

Me: er yah... but you know, there're lots of projects and assignments to be handed in soon.

Elan: oh okay okay. I thought some guy is bothering you or something.

oh yes, and that guy is you, bugger!

Me: nah... everything's alright.

I tried to conceal the obvious mopiness in my voice and at the same time not letting the modulation in my voice reveal what an effort I was making to sound upbeat.

I think one of my weaknesses is that I am soft-hearted. I rather keep my thoughts to myself lest it will hurt others.

but nature has seen to it that when you are nice to people, they tend to take advantage. I can be nasty if I want to, but the feeling of sympathy/pity/tenderness will come back to me. eventually I'll end up leading the person on and in this case, Elan, no matter how hard I try to give him signs that I don't wish us to contact each other anymore.

it makes it even harder for me when the intended person fails to get my message. it's either that or he knows I'm reluctant but he can't bear to let me go. Elan is not the only guy though.

perhaps it's my fault that I've been leading these guys on. but it's just not ME to say "dude, I don't like you. this should end here." no. that's just not me. I can never do that. even if I have to say it, I would first search my vocabulary for positive words just so that the phrase can be put in the nicest way.

and what makes you think that's an easy task to handle?

2006-05-27T12:03:00.000+08:00

I'm using the free internet access now. but I can't spend much time blogging since there are other people queueing desperately to use the net.

okay so it may seem a little bit late but I just got to know that the reason why my folks brought us here is to celebrate their x-th anniversary. oops how ignorant can I get huh. I don't even have an iota of a clue how long they have been married la. hahaha.

anywaaay, the room was so chilly last night and obviously I had trouble sleeping. what with the disturbance from my sister's snores, etc etc. I can bet that by time I return home, I'll have huge panda eyes. not that they are not big enough though. hehe.

the view from my unit is just breathtaking la. whenever the weather is favourable, I'll just sit at the white benches by the pool and watch the happy people have fun in the water. it's a pity I can't swim because I'm having my period now. nevertheless, watching the kids enjoy themselves makes me happy too. =)

how I wished I can spend a few more days here but my mom insists that I don't skip school on monday. ggrrr. she is so worried by the fact that I'm only schooling twice a week and said, "How to be clever like that?" haha. mothers... I love what I'm doing now and it makes me love psychology all the more because I don't have to do history at 'A' levels.

alright alright... that was really random.

seems like more and more people are queueing now so I have to go. okay go.

2006-05-23T13:23:00.000+08:00

yesterday, I was walking towards Dhoby Gaut MRT station from NLB when my eyes were suddenly pinned on this Japanese lady.

I thought she had appalling dress sense, and no idea what was right for her frame.

that's one thing.

then I gazed at the bottom half of her body, and at that very moment, I just wanted to laugh till I die! hahaha!

she wore her tight jeans so fucking low that her buns were bursting out of it. not that she had a perky arse though.

what's more, she had a waist belt on but it didn't encircle her jeans.

instead, the lady wore the belt above her jeans where her skin was bare. come on la. what do you have to belt your skin for? unless it is sagging, no?

what a faux pas. undoubtedly. or maybe it wasn't a mistake on her part. maybe she deemed that her style was passable. now that's really mental!

okay, I know my description of her wouldn't sound too funny to anyone who's reading la. but the whole thing really did amuse me!

of course I didn't laugh, even if I was smiling on cue as I walked past her. I had even thought of capturing her back image when I was still trailing behind and maybe post the picture online or something.

but after much contemplation, what would that make me, man?!

a schizophrenic?? hehehe.

2006-05-21T11:27:00.000+08:00

I thought I was back in the game but now I beg myself to be out. at least till I recover from that memory.

yet again, I've gone through spectacular awful dates in the past weeks. don't get me wrong, I don't want to be attached to any guy at the moment but I do go on occasional dates. who knows I might gradually find the right one and when the time finally comes, we might just hook up.

but that's not the point now.

at the end of each date, I cursed myself for agreeing to it, then wonder how badly I possibly could have needed companionship to have thought it sounded like a good idea.

anyway, friends have been telling me the problem is ME. I am too picky. but it doesn't hurt to be one right?

I have since stopped contacting two guys whom I dated recently. the guys were pieces of shit and if I wasn't such a lady I'd punch them in the mouth. I don't see it as an affection but merely means to take advantage of the fairer sex.

in this case, I have the right to be picky right? it's not as though I only pick the handsome ones to date with... I'm just so scared of perverted men or worse still, men who look like the shy type but are actually hardcore kinky.

gee. just the thought of that makes my hair stand.

my eyes are getting heavy but given the amount of plain water I've imbibed the whole day, I probably would have to make frequent trips to the toilet and then get my sleep truncated.

school tomorrow!!

2006-05-07T13:48:00.000+08:00

if you look at the right side of this page, you can see that I am no more in a junior college but I'm majoring in psychology instead. I have been busy for the past week - transferring out of school, saying goodbye to the teachers and lovely friends I have made at CJC, and preparing for registration at my new school which I will be revealing later.

the reason why I chose to quit JC to do diploma and degree in psychology is because the latter is where my interest lies. I have no problems with my studies whatsoever in JC . neither do I have any issues with the people there. haha. perhaps my frequent latecoming and getting caught for improper uniform play some parts in my departure. but well, that's beside the point.

I mean... since my father can afford the cost for private school, why not go for it? Path School of Technology and Management provides an express degree course in psychology for just 3 years or so. if I were to follow the traditional route of doing 'A' levels and then go on to do degree in university for another 3 years, I would take a longer time to graduate. and to be a qualified psychologist is a rather long process. a degree is definitely not just what it takes to be one. I still have to do masters and by 'masters' I mean 2nd upper class or better.

the foundation psychology will resume tomorrow and once the subjects are over, I'll go on to do diploma, specialist diploma and degree subsequently. masters will be done either at a local university or overseas. can't believe I'm already embarking on a journey to my career so soon.

that aside, I've been single for 3 years plus now! haha. before you start accusing me for being abnormal, let me clarify that I am perfectly fine. not that I lack of suitors though. hahahahaha. riiiiiiigghht.

I am just not good at balancing studies and relationship. maybe that was the past. now that I'm more matured, who knows things might change. but I'm not going to take risks. yes, I know how it feels like to be rejected. I have gone through that before.

but... the time is just not right.

2006-04-28T20:12:00.000+08:00

I am strong, and because I am strong, I have to face this strong test from The One above.

I will go through this rough patch with His guidance.

in the mean time, you are smiling but I am crying.

and thanks, Gloria for all the support/encouragement/advises you've given me.

but I still hate you for leaving me. haha. kidding. =)

2006-04-28T16:49:00.000+08:00

okay. the blah news first. my appeal didn't get through. oh GOD!!!! how I dread this!

next, the interesting news. my sister has a blog! haha. got to know that while I was browsing through my list of past urls. very bad grammar though. tsk tsk.

2006-04-23T20:38:00.001+08:00

please, please... let my appeal be approved. I want to get out of this shit hole.

I promise I will not make another mistake after this.

2006-04-16T21:59:00.000+08:00

another fetich: cute, adorable kids.

and this is Rai's cousin whom I met at the chalet yesterday. I love her. she is soooo cute. =)

2006-04-12T17:34:00.000+08:00

today Innova JC held the malay poetry recital competition. CJC didn't make it to the top 5 and I feel for Siti la. I mean, just a few weeks ago, I was taking part in one of the most nerve-wracking competitions and I wasn't successful too. but it's okay... better luck to both of us next time. haha.

here are some pictures. they are a bit blur because I was sitting far away from the stage.

2006-04-08T23:19:00.000+08:00

my fetish for bags is just...paranormal. call me a bag-whore but I am easily aroused at the sight of beautiful bags.

and the bags need not be expensive or branded. as long as they can be styled for any occassions, suit my figure as well as my pocket, I will try to get them.

the most expensive I own is this sleek, RED (I have to emphasize on the colour because it is my ultimate favourite!), Louis Vuitton bag which came all the way from UK. actually it is my mom's la. but since I've been using it for more times than she does, that bag was officially given to me. hahaha.

the bags with the tag or plastic attached to them are those I haven't worn before. haha.

oh by the way! my cousin just bought me the handbag I have been eyeing from Charles & Keith. (the white bag in the above picture.) so that makes it two handbags in 2 weeks. waaahhhh. I'm on cloud nine. I definitely wouldn't mind getting bags every year for my birthday. *hint hint*

below are the rest of my collection. realize that most of the bags are relatively big in size. the reason is that I always have to carry my big, fat wallet (doesn't necessarily contain big money though), handset, camera and make-up stuff whenever I head out.

plastic or paper bags are some forms of bags too. haha. these are some which I industriously displayed.

in junction to that note, I was reading some magazines in the library today when I came across an article stating that your choice of the shape of the bag should be contrary to your body type. I don't know how valid that statement is but it meant to say that if you are slim, a round and slouchy bag will complement your figure. conversely if you are round, the rectangular or squared shape bags can give you a slim look.

I purchase bags just the way I purchase outfits. handbags have evolved into becoming a style statement for every woman, no?

2006-04-04T23:32:00.000+08:00

I hope I have not lost the mojo to blog now that I have emerged from my hibernation.

college life has been pretty fine. work is piling but I will survive.

I'm beginning to hate history. wait, I have always hated history. haven't been getting my historical facts right. all I do during history lectures/tutorials is ponder who, why, what and how things happen in Southeast Asia. nothing much actually goes into my head, really. damn. even the readings don't look tempting enough to read. maybe I got lucky when I did well in the prelims and 'O' levels. I was even contemplating of taking up geography but I may lack the basic theories. oh well oh well. it's too late now.

Faizal commented that I should post pictures on my blog so that it won't look too wordy. posting pictures is such a hassle and it takes time. call me a bum but anywaaayyy, since I find his cause to be worthy of attention, I shall post a picture now. haha.

2006-03-03T10:24:00.000+08:00

I'm an official student of CJC.

I've decided to take a hiatus and find some peace away from this blogging frenzy.

I won't be back so soon.

2006-02-17T15:41:00.000+08:00

people must not perceive that they are hot items solely because they have the looks. people too should avoid calling some stranger a hottie just because he or she has a handsome or pretty face. the reason being that we don't even know if that stranger fits the other two criteria for him or her to be a bona fide hottie.

for that, let me explain the aforementioned criteria. someone who's hot, in my opinion, should possess good looks, the intellect, and talent altogether. it is undeniable that good looks most complements the term "hot". but that's only a superficial view. if I had to call a good looking but bovine person a hottie, I think I'd have goose pimples all over my body. this is because someone who lacks intelligence already makes him or her a lot less hot.

I was watching A Light Affair on TCS 5 a few days ago. Fiona Xie posed this question: which part of a female do you like most? (or something like that because I don't have photographic memory.) the options were bust, brains and booty. all three guys chose the brains because an intelligent woman is so hot. don't argue. that is the truth.

maybe I have a fetish for smart guys or maybe it's just me. sometimes an intelligent person, minus the good looks, is enough for me to regard him or her a hottie. but a good looking person, minus the intelligence, will never attain the "hot" tag from me.

the last criterion, together with the first two, should complete a hottie. talent in whichever areas, be it in performing arts or sports, makes someone admirable. for example, someone with good looks and intellect and who sings or acts well is a real turn on for me. if I need to mention a name, it'd be Khairudin Saharom. most Singaporeans will know the reason why.

firstly, you all have to agree with me that he's attractive! secondly, he's brainy and effectively bilingual too. he received the LKY award (if I'm not wrong) a few years ago and to prove that he's effectively bilingual, he's a part time deejay for a local malay radio plus he hosts some malay and english television programmes too. if there is one local artist whom I'd ask for an autograph, Khai is the one. =)

anyway, back to the topic at hand. I may be writing this with reference to some minahs (a term used for malay female typicals) who have nothing to flaunt other than their looks.

think the entirety of this entry. then decide if you're hot or not.

2006-01-22T17:45:00.000+08:00

while at my relative's place yesterday, I discovered some very interesting facts.

the lady whom I call "auntie" all this while is actually my cousin and I should be calling her "sister" instead. and this lady is already 50 years old bearing 5 children; the eldest being 28 years old and the youngest being 5 years old. therefore, her children, including those who are older than me, are actually my nieces and nephews. all the while I've been kissing the hands of those older than me in respect when they are the ones who should be kissing my hand instead. maybe they're oblivious to this too as our family line seems downright complicated. I was sitting on the couch with mouth agape when my auntie was doing the explanation.

most of my nieces are already married and already have children. so that makes me a grandmother! wow. selama ni aku perasaan kakak je. hahaha.

the mother to the lady aforementioned is ergo my auntie. but I've been addressing my auntie as "granny". it is just appropriate that I address her that way because she's already 60 plus. complicated isn't it?

on another note, my auntie, after all that complicated explanations, suddenly said that I look like this news presenter called Hazlina. she said that I have her features; my complexion, eyes, nose, my smile and my laughter even. but I didn't have an iota of a clue then who this Hazlina was. so I surfed the net for her picture and I found this.

and then I was browsing through my photos and I thought that maybe... just maybe, I do look like her.

hmm. interesting eh.

2006-01-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

it could be the premenstrual syndrome taking over. but that's not my point.

my point will come later.

am writing this while doing the malay essay which is supposed to be my sister's assignment. I wouldn't be so kind if this doesn't need to be handed in tomorrow.

but writing has not really been a problem for me. so that's fine.

I just feel like lashing back at her. no, not my sister. just this other woman who tried to test my patience earlier on.

if you think that I have to give you whatever you're demanding, then you've got the wrong person. I'm very sad that albeit knowing me for lightyears, you fail to see that I'm someone who will mock and give snide remarks just to prick someone's conscience.

and I repeat... I don't care if you're my friend or not.

aku tak kisah pun kalau kau terasa.

2006-01-12T22:34:00.000+08:00

it's darn cold outside. cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. and inside, the temperature is at a freaking 18 degree celcius. can't help it la. I still need the air-conditioner to blow that degree of cold air in order for me to sleep.

(I'm already sleepy while writing this.)

swerving away from that note, I think I've been swarmed enough with the very infamous question whether I already have a boyfriend. suddenly I am thinking of how funny it is that most women are single for the same reason. the reason being we are looking for perfection all the time. but the thing is, we do know perfection doesn't exist! and in order for the guy to stand a chance of being The One with ourselves than any of the others, he HAS to be near perfect.

before I continue, stop the cerebration that I'm only going for the handsome guys.

physical appearance is not the only close connection to the word 'perfect' anyway. truth be told, I hate, perhaps dislike, guys who are damn vainglorious. for example, I don't favour this guy who used to be close to my cousin. when I check my cousin's handphone out, the gallery section, I always see pictures of the guy doing different poses. when my cousin comes to my house to use the computer, this guy always shows off his pictures on MSN's display and will change them after every second. masyaallah.

I can never imagine myself having a boyfriend who spends more time in front of the mirror than I do and who always asks how he looks before we go out. oh, and who talks about himself all the time. it's already hard if women are drowned in vanity, what more men? when I started being vain, I had ached for long straight hair, the silken type, without a vestige of curl, and had tried the famous straightening method known to mankind thrice. see what I mean?

but when I say I don't like vain guys, I don't mean that I like the slacker type who won't even do his hair. I would want a guy who's a lil bit vain because it gives me the idea that he's making a tinge of effort to dress up as it is me who he is meeting up with. on the other hand, if he so vain he wears long sleeves collared tee with black covered shoes even when we promise to meet at Mcdonald's, he's telling me that he's trying too hard to please.

as much as we want our presence and minimalist style to turn heads without fanciful fluorishes, I know it's hard to do so unless you're blessed with natural beauty. but no matter how cliched this may sound, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, no?

on another note, I don't fancy too mushy guys. it's okay to be lovey-dovey once in a while to perk up the relationship, but too much of it makes me have goosebumps all over my body. I do vaguely remember my ex-boyfriend saying something gauche about me smelling sweeter than any flower one day when we hanged out. gee. for all I know, he and I broke up after three months together. haha.

finally, pardon me if this sounds like a heinous remark. but I feel that some men are acting so selfishly that they look for fallible women to be their sex victims before marriage. however, when it comes to matrimony itself, they want a purely virgin lady. a man who has had sex before marriage ought to marry a woman who has also had sex before marriage. am I not right? it's fair and they will be guilt-free this way. at the very least, the other innocent people will not feel cheated by their own life partner.

I'm not saying this because I've experienced it whatsoever. but most guys whom I've met are full of arrogance, egotism, individuality, (fill in your own adjective here). and this simply explains why I prefer being single and happy. =)

that's my definition of perfection. I guess it all depends on yours too.

2006-01-08T21:40:00.000+08:00

I know that my father doesn't really like the idea of me leaving my job. although he doesn't make this clear, he's been going on and on about my cousin who is doing so fine with her job and will be receiving her first pay tomorrow (which I assume will be a relatively huge amount since she claims to be working overtime everytime I ask her out).

like I mentioned in my previous post, I wouldn't have left if the supervisor and the senior staff had not been too incredible. I wouldn't have left too, if I was posted to some other locations where that kind of supervisor and staff are non-existent. as much as I tried to hold myself back from quitting, my teen angst wouldn't stop boiling just at the sight of them.

and then there's my mother complaining that I've been eating too much and ordering too much food from my father eversince I've become so free. I'm still growing up, remember? luckily though, I don't grow fat easily. heh.

2006-01-08T15:48:00.000+08:00

this is my comment posted in one of the Liverpool forums.

what a glorious comeback! that was certainly another match after the champions league final clash that kept the fans mostly in suspense, only to be rewarded with sweet memories after the final whistle.

love the Red men. I had told my sis that if they can do what they did against Milan then they can do it against Luton. Pongolle deserves my biggest praise. the lad did great. thank you, Rafa for being able to foresee what he can give to the team when you brought him in. you're the one, the tactical mastermind.

thank you, Stevie G for your commitment and for being such a driving force to the team. you're the best, even better than frank lampard in my opinion. thank you, Xabi for being such a fine passer and a natural. although the back four looked a bit shaky, we must not forget the 11 straight clean sheets they had kept for us that resulted in our great leap success in the premiership following last season.

YNWA.

2006-01-07T15:50:00.000+08:00

RANDOM THOUGHT NO. 1

went to the Woodlands library with my bro yesterday to return the books and borrow a new one. and I was pretty upset that for a library which is said to be one of the biggest in Singapore, not even one of the books I wanted was not on loan. maybe they are that popular huh?

RANDOM THOUGHT NO. 2

Fadillah now knows why she drinks a lot. she was born on World Water Day. hahahaha. okay la, not that funny.

RANDOM THOUGHT NO. 3

I'm glad to hear that my mates are enjoying it at their respective JCs and institutions for the 3-month course. as for me, I never thought I'd be at home every other day like this because by right I was so eager to earn my own money for as long as school hasn't officially started. I will never ever forgive those fugly witches (take out the first letter and replace it with any other letters of your choice if you want) for making me want to quit the job which I was so fine with. urgh, just forget it.

RANDOM THOUGHT NO. 4

my specs broke into two a few days ago and I was and still am raging mad. now 128 bucks of my pay has to be forked out just for a new pair.

2006-01-05T21:04:00.000+08:00

I love doing this whenever I'm not compelled to write a proper journal.

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

I have a huge scar on my left thigh.
when I was in primary 1, I pee-d (unintentionally) on the chair I was sitting on because I was afraid to ask for permission to go to the toilet. when the ferocious-looking teacher asked why was my chair wet, I lied that the water in my water bottle had spilt! ewww!
I sing for the fun of it and do not wish to make a profession out of it.
I have never been admitted to the hospital other than the days when I was just born.
I don't need no man to make me feel wanted or special.
I'm prone to be oblivious to my surroundings.
I love putting on eye makeup.

7 THINGS I CAN DO

imitate singers' voices, including the male singers.
talk back to people regardless of their age, race, rank, etc.
give good advice about anything under the sun.
blow the horn.
laugh even when it's not funny/the joke has ended.
eat once in a day.
talk to myself.

7 THINGS I CAN'T DO

forgive and forget.
write with my left hand.
lie at the very last minute. I always need time to think of a good one.
cook any dishes.
tolerate other people's nonsensical actions.
swim. for goodness sake!
respect people who don't even deserve respect.

7 THINGS I'LL NEVER DO

take drugs.
consume alcohol.
break other people's relationships.
fart when there are people around.
bitch.
tarnish my family's reputation.
basically everything else that Islam forbids.

7 THINGS I WANT TO HAVE

driving license.
a degree. insya-Allah.
adorable kids when I get married.
a good husband.
a succesful career.
a bright future.
a home in Liverpool, maybe? haha.

7 WEAKNESSES

handsome yet intellectual guys. like that Khairuddin Saharom.
babies and cute, chubby children.
my flaws.
Josh Hartnett.
great music.
great movies.
new words/phrases that I come across.

7 PEEVES

intruding my privacy.
losing my things.
imperfect skin.
being hungry with nothing to eat.
being bored to death.
waiting for people to arrive. but I myself do not practice punctuality. haha.
being blamed for something that I didn't do.

7 BEAUTY ESSENTIALS

face wash.
pimple cream.
facial mask.
sunscreen lotion.
mascara.
2-way foundation.
lip gloss/lipstick

7 DAILY MUST-HAVES

food.
handphone.
noise.
mineral water.
spectacles.
companions.
clothes.

7 FAVOURITE FOOD

sweet and sour fish.
fried kway teow. (however you spell it.)
carrot cake.
lemon chicken rice.
thai fried rice.
fried squid.
sushi.

7 BAD HABITS

sleeping with the lights on.
peel my nails when they grow long.
spend too much time in the toilet.
sleep after I eat.
burp loudly.
laugh terribly.
pop pimples.

7 MUST-HAVES IN MY FUTURE HUSBAND

religiously inclined. so that he can guide me la.
intellectual and wit.
hardworking and independent.
respect the elders.
charm.
good looks will be a bonus.
a liverpool fan too? haha. nah, that's not necessary.

7 FAVOURITE FOOTBALL STARS

Steven Gerrard
Jamie Carragher
Xabi Alonso
Ronaldhino
Thierry Henry
Robbie Fowler
Kaka

2005-12-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

I'm cool working for the company but I'm certainly not cool working with the supervisor and the senior staff, even.

I wouldn't care less the fact that they hold a higher position for this job and they are way older than I am because I repeat in my head the maxim, the one which I always use in times of dealing with people. I won't respect you if you won't do the same.

I might not have left if these women had not been too unbelievable. they are too unpleasant to be true. no wonder I had enough.

I grimaced when I had that tiff with Serene yesterday. she can't speak proper english for heaven's sake, yet she had the effrontery to wrong me and comment about my attitude. sheesh! I wonder how she succeeded in becoming a sales promoter in a place where the high-class english speaking human beings usually visit. she's a supervisor at that! haha.

I've no idea where I'd inherited my temper or ego from but I know myself too well than to flare up for no particular reason. okay, maybe I do that sometimes. then again, it's only a low probability.

sigh. apart from these people who have totally spoiled my first working experience, I won't forget my other colleagues and some of the takashimaya staffs who had made work a lil bit fun and memorable.

2005-12-22T23:07:00.000+08:00

heavenly intervention or otherwise seems to be the tale of the day. it was my off day today which means I didn't have to face the fucking supervisors, I didn't have to wake up so early in the morning, I got longer hours of sleep and I didn't have to put up a false front in front of the customers.

anyway, I have this feeling that serene, my supervisor, is unhappy that the freshies are already earning their commissions. when I told her that I could start my own sales that day, she was in disbelief and called up the manager to ask if it was true. she had made such a hoo-haa out of it and was talking behind my back with the other compatriots. I'm not making this up out of baseless assumptions. neither am I trying to make wild accusations about her. before one of the compatriots left, she patted on my back in a comforting way while saying, "don't worry, they were just joking."

before I could even finish my sentence to ask what were they joking about, she just smiled and walked away. then all of a sudden my colleagues, including the supervisor, became so hardworking and eager to serve customers. cheeeeebyeeee.

the next day, the manager came to check on the workers and looking at serene, he commented, "wah, serene is so busy..."

"yalah, now got competition already what," she replied.

I was near them when they exchanged words and I was like cursing her under my breath sak. all she did before this was just linger around and letting the freshies do the work, knowing that whatever items sold the commissions go to her. motherfucker. and I thought supervisors are supposed to guide the workers, aren't they?

I'll be working 9 days straight till the new years arrives and there's never a day that I won't be facing the so-called supervisors. so that completes my misery.

2005-12-19T22:38:00.000+08:00

thank God the time passed so quickly today. my left feet is a lil bit swollen due to the long hours of standing and speedwalking. I was berated by the supervisor when I pulled out a stool which was hiding behind the cashier and brought it to the front to sit because I was darrrrrrnnnnn tired. I was wearing high heels at that. I never knew that sales persons in department stores are not supposed/allowed to sit when they are working. I'm quite ignorant, I know. anyway, my colleague told me that I'll get used to it soon, if not later.

but I feel that a retail job is still fine la. it's exciting too because takashimaya especially, is where the tourists and foreigners usually shop. I get to serve cute, gorgeous caucasion lads who will make you swoon. haha. even if there aren't any for the day, the local sales men can be of a replacement. hahahaha. there is this 25 years old malay guy from the booth beside risis who's been flirting with me eversince my first day. haha. he's damn funny la. then there's another malay guy who's quite good looking but just lacks the height who's been asking the guy aforementioned for my name and what not. haha. he will watch when I walk, and ask if I'm going home already when I enter the store room. quite psychotic but at least not as much as this other guy who stares at you with glimmering eyes and wants to talk to you but he just doesn't have the guts. now that's scary.

okay, I'm really worn out. can't wait for my off day on thursday. can't wait to have my own promotion counter as well.

2005-12-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

the feeling that Peter Crouch will score goals whenever I'm not watching him play is coming to me. when Crouch bagged in his first goal against Wigan Athletic, I wasn't watching the match because I was in town. I did rush home after getting the phonecall from my uncle who said that CROUCH had scored to put Liverpool on the lead. I was a wee bit frustrated since I'd been waiting so long for him to score but alas, I didn't even get to see his first goal for Liverpool. a few minutes later, I received another call from my dad, and this time round, he was shouting in excitement that Crouch had scored another goal. ultimately when I reached home, I had learnt that the first goal was an own goal by Wigan's keeper although I believed it deserved to be given to Crouch after watching it on telly myself.

earlier today, Liverpool were playing Costa Rican side, Deportivo Saprissa, in the semi-finals of the FIFA Club World Championship. I had missed this match but before I went out, I had reminded my sis to update me over the phone after every 15 mins since the match starts. even before the first 15 mins was up, she had called me to inform that CROUCH had scored. then about 30mins later, Stevie G scored to make it 2-0 for Liverpool. I was so proud of my team and was chanting the L-I-V song right from where I was standing. hahaha. love that song la...and of course the rest of the Liverpool songs too. my sentiment that Crouch will score when I'm not watching is confirmed when he found the back of the net again in the 2nd half.

final score: Deportivo Saprissa 0 - 3 Liverpool

wee! just one more match before the Reds are crowned WORLD CHAMPIONS. I truly believe my beloved Reds should be able to beat Sao Paulo in the finals as they seem unbeatable at the moment. hehe. no other teams would be able to say that they are better than Liverpool then. hehehe. =)

enough of football talk because I have another reason to be happy today. hehehe. my dad had bought me an IXUS!! but I still have to pay him about half the price when my pay comes in la. anyhow, it's been some time since I last fiddled my time away with a camera. hehe.

okay, thank you. I'm gonna kacau-kacau the camera. think the battery should be about full now.

2005-12-06T21:43:00.000+08:00

I was damn bored yesterday that I thought I'd been struck down with fever. today was better though. sak and I first dropped by Ngee Ann City for that job interview. really, really hope the manager will take me in la. I do not wish to get sick everytime I rot at home, you know.

I fumbled initially because I didn't realise there were two sides to the application form. so I was seeing the interviewer twice since I had to go back to the waiting area again to fill in the other side. malu sak. anyway here's an account of part of the interview.

interviewer: why do you want a sales job rather than F & B since you have no working experience?

what, you mean I don't have to have any experiences if I had gone for F & B?

me: well... I don't have confidence in carrying trays while balancing the load since my palms occasionally get sweaty. *laughed*

she finally laughed after feigning seriousness.

interviewer: okay... what would you do if you had to handle a nasty customer?

me: I will still attend to her nicely and be patient.

but I don't think that'll be the case la. hahaha. I know myself too well than to communicate with someone not in my favour. it's true, really. sakinah and I had gone in to most Body Shop outlets that we came across for I wanted to ask for the job application form. but just at the sight of minahs, I stepped back. I did go up to one of them at the outlet in raffles city though. she could have at least replied nicely but no... putting on a conceited/snobbish/attitude look, she echoed.

"No. I don't have the form." I left without a word. not even a thank you. I don't see the reason why I should react postively anyway.

I think I have to agree with my cousin, dillah, who recently concluded that Body Shop outlets are fast being occupied my minah-minah yang tidak beretika.

after that we went to eat at suntec's KFC. I don't know why as of late, I always can't seem to finish up my food. like yesterday, even though my mom had cooked chicken rice, I only ate half the portion of what was served. today, my mom had cooked my favourite sweet and sour fish but it too didn't build up my appetite. and it doesn't help that my stomach didn't feel good the whole day.

oh and I learnt from sak that the waiter whom I met during prom night is a chinese. hehe. my sentiments too. if he isn't a malay, then he's a chinese. likewise if he isn't a chinese, then he should be a malay. haha.

there's also this caller who has called me thrice on my handphone, but always at the wrong time. the first and second time that the caller called, I was in the movies. I didn't get to pick up the third call because the mp3 player was blasted to its maximum volume and so I couldn't hear my phone ringing. I'm just afraid the call might be from some employer la.

don't know if I should hit the hay now and wake up in a few hour's time or I should just stay up till the match between Chelsea and Liverpool commences. bring on the Blues!!

actually I'm wondering if anyone's still reading up to this line. haha.

2005-12-02T15:00:00.000+08:00

prom night was great. raffles town club was a sea of beautiful and handsome faces - from the ex-students of BPGHS to the waiters, doormen and the officials. hehe. one of the waiters was really cute though. you know, the kind that turns head, melts knees and knots guts. okay maybe that's a bit overstated. hehe.

food was okay, but I could do with more. the disco was a bit of a crap. what's the use of a deejay when all he does is press play or forward. the songs were not even of the latest hits at that and the lucky draw... what, only 15 draws? I thought that maybe a karaoke session could be included too so that those who are not so lucky in the lucky draw e.g. myself, could at least try their luck by singing. I really envy those who won vouchers from topshop, harvey norman and on top of all, zen vision courtesy of creative technology.

meanwhile, these are some pictures taken on that night.

nizal was trying to get into the limelight.

I guess he wasn't too happy with the already wet shirt. haha.

he made me feel so short.

the special bond we had forged in 4 years.

my math was good with her around.

pimp daddy!

with the man from the mafia crew.

the Fadil(l)ahs of the school. =)

the rest of the pictures are located here.

2005-11-27T12:46:00.000+08:00

as I witness people from all walks of life, I begin to revel in my view of how people use, or rather, misuse languages.

kalau hendak berbahasa inggeris, berbahasalah dengan baik. saya tidak akan berasa terpegun atau kagum apabila anda menggunakan bahasa inggeris dalam perbualan anda kerana saya tahu penggunaannya salah sama sekali. apalah gunanya jika anda cuba menunjuk-nunjuk di depan orang bahawa anda seorang "english speaker" walhal kosa kata anda terhad, penyusunan kata-kata anda bercelaru dan penyebutan perkataan-perkataan inggeris itu salah.

saya bukan ingin mengutuk atau apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya tetapi saya rasa apa-apa bahasa pun yang kita gunakan, kita harus menggunakannya dengan baik.

selain itu, saya juga berpendapat bahawa bahasa yang kita gunakan juga harus tepat pada tempatnya. contohnya, dengan siapa kita bertutur dan di mana kita bertutur sangatlah penting. adakah kita berbahasa inggeris dengan nenek atau datuk kita sedangkan kita sedar mereka tidak berapa faham dengan bahasa asing itu? perlukah kita menunjuk-nunjuk di hadapan orang tua kita sendiri? kononnya budak-budak zaman sekarang tidak fasih berbahasa melayu. kononnya budak-budak zaman sekarang hanya tahu berbahasa inggeris. kita mengagung-agungkan barat dan bahasa sendiri kita asingkan. adakah itu yang sewajarnya?

satu lagi contoh ialah apabila kita berada di majlis-majlis yang menggambarkan keislaman, di mana perginya bahasa melayu? memang tidak dapat dinafikan bahawa bahasa inggeris itu bersifat syumul dan universal dan lebih selesa digunakan dalam sesebuah majlis yang dihadiri oleh orang-orang daripada pelbagai kaum. namun, saya tetap berfikiran bahawa bahasa melayu masih dapat diselitkan, bukan?

I'm a language lover. I don't like languages to be abused. it's not wrong to enhance your self by using the english language. but as we improve ourselves, we should not forget our own ethnic language. do you think you do well enough in your english exams even if you speak english all the time? by that, I do not mean speaking good english. quoting from my former english teacher, "you can speak but you may not write. alternatively, you can write but you may not speak."

furthermore, it is the language that differentiates us from the other ethnic groups isn't it?

2005-11-24T23:36:00.000+08:00

went to bishan just now to see the dress which wani has been eyeing. it was in actuality very pretty. I tried it on but the cloth was kind of opaque and if I were to buy it for prom night, I'd have to wear pants underneath. finally put it back and accompanied wani buy her sandals.

cruised around town later. went back to good ol' Far East Plaza when in fact, I had been there just a day ago. brought dillah to the salon where I highlighted my hair. she highlighted hers too. yayness to the Golden Villagers (?)

left her there and then wani, me and my sis went in search of my prom dress. I finally bought a sassy, saucy, spicy black dress! haha. looked out for some accessories too. at the end of the day, I still thought that I had some more things to buy.

on another note, it was the release of the PSLE results today. I sensed the disappointment in my sister but I am sure that she had done her very best. though targets were not met, I am proud of her for having the determination to top her class. and she did just that. her results may not be so good as compared to my PSLE results but sis, read this:

as the first child in the family, I had received the most care and attention from our parents. on top of that, I was given the privilege of tuition. our parents, especially mom, always made sure that I was properly educated. four years later, you were born. I knew mom was already tired out. you may not receive equal amount of attention from her but I am glad you were determined to work on your own. you should feel blessed that your results reflect your own effort and not from the aid of tuition, etc. since I had tuition in primary school, the pressure to do well in exams was infinitely larger. I wouldn't want dad's money to go to waste just like that. I had to repay him and soaring in the exams was all I could afford to do. please don't give up. you still have the bigger exams coming up. I challenge you to perform better than me in the 'O' levels. right now, which school you go to doesn't even matter. it is you who determine how the school will be, not the school which determines who you will be.

one final note. to my cousin who will be married later today, I know you're busy with the preparations and may not have time to read this. just want to wish you all the best in entering a new chapter of life and may your marriage last forever.

2005-11-21T21:36:00.000+08:00

I'm in love with Hrithik Roshan again! hehe. love his charm lah and especially those green eyes... definitely one bollywood hero who is worth swooning over.

having a headache now. it's been lightyears since I last cried whilst watching a Hindi movie. hehe.

from today, I swear never to watch a hindi movie with my sis ever again. her sighings and the tsks that came out from her mouth whenever the singing and dancing scenes appeared annoyed me.

I mean, that's what makes hindi movies different from the others right? needless to say that even if there are singing plus dancing scenes (like the one where the guy and the girl will roll down a hill side by side or in any other positions) in malay movies, they are all from the influence of bollywood.

back to my point now. maybe one has to sacrifice longer hours in the cinema if he/she chooses to watch a hindi movie over other movies. they wouldn't mind that because the singing and dancing parts are beautiful whaattt...

so stop sighing and shaking your head lah sister.

by the way, I've promised her that should her PSLE results meet her target, I will belanja her a movie.

don't worry. it won't be from bollywood.

2005-11-12T17:46:00.000+08:00

and so I can't stop my fingers (just one finger actually) from switching on the computer. deceiving myself about leaving blogger till after exams are over is seemingly too much to handle.

because while I'm busy preparing for the exams, I am also bogged down by events that happen around me.

mom got worked up that day because my bro was posted to an uncoveted stream. she had hidden all the gaming devices in the spur of the moment and it was all about lectures after lectures for the rest of the day. then again, I think that my bro is at fault too. no one can help him if he refuses to help himself right?

I only wish that he will one day become a paragon of virtue and stop worrying everyone in the family.

on a happy note, the 'O' levels have been fine for me. alhamdulillah. it will be my last paper next friday and after which, it's all about getting ready for my cousin's va-va-voom wedding ceremony that will be held in a matter of days. the hair! the hair! I think that it's the first time in my life that I'm attending the wedding of two couples.

2005-10-21T11:24:00.000+08:00

it's Graduation Day today, and I didn't turn up for school. you know, I'd rather opt for not turning up at all than be caught late and then be labelled as the only secondary 4 express student who makes trouble up till now and then be snarled in your face with the very commonplace I-will-not-write-you-a-testimonial. BAH. what an amusing school.

I think that during my 4 years spent in BPGHS, I was only offered with a pathetically few memorable events in a timeline of ordinariness. I was a student who was apathetic, yes, but I was not too enthusiastic at the same time. occassionally (is this spelt correctly?), school was nothing to me but a daily grind of fruitless homework and boring lessons. contrary to what I believed was my forte back in the primary school days, math seemed far from what I was interested in in secondary school. I'd either managed to get a mere pass, if not fail, in my Emath exams. maybe it was not the lack of interest but more to the lack of practice.

the addition of Amath to my series of subjects had made things worse. I could never understand how learning logarithms would enhance the quality of my life. I remember it was the first topic which I found difficult in that super thick book. and that topic was not the first and the last. so it was kind of expected that I dropped Amath after the prelims. anyway, an additional math was ludicrous when I did not even succeed in passing elementary math.

up till now, I've been asking myself why I took up physics as one of my science subject because I'd always done better in biology during sec 1 and 2. maybe I was influenced by my chemistry teacher who said that physics would offer more flexibility than biology. hmm.. I didn't do too well in physics but hey, I should not be blamed for my pitiful grades. I could never understand too, how learning the workings of a transformer or what would make me a more scintillating person. hahaha.

on that note, this entry will hopefully be the last before O levels kick off. wish me all the best and all the luck in the world.

2005-10-20T20:17:00.000+08:00

what's with Chelsea "supporters" suddenly surfacing eh?

and they are people who used to support other clubs which are seemingly not doing as well as they were lightyears ago eg Arsenal, Newcastle, Real Madrid, etc.

so now you see what the open and close inverted commas are for. I'm very sure that once the Roman empire falls, and Chelsea fall too, all the fans will go back to supporting their good ol' clubs.

I'm definitely not generalising. my cousin brother who used to be a very avid fan of Liverpool had turned to Chelsea but that was way before Liverpool won the Champions League and their losing run had still not ended yet. another scenario is a Chelsea supporter who has suddenly become big headed in front of a Liverpool supporter like me, all the time boasting about "I'm supporting the best team in the world!" bullshit.

Chelsea will not be where they are now without Abramovich, I tell you. so what, other teams should beg Bill Gates to buy them so as to be better than Chelsea?

2005-10-18T00:16:00.000+08:00

it's like the satisfaction that you get when you do something by yourself and then see the result at the end of it all. my room has totally been refurnished - from the colour of the walls to the new furnitures being brought in here. except for my bed which still sits at its current location, everything else has been moved.

and yeah, it was all due to my hard work. haha.

on another note, monday apparently marked the last day of my secondary school life. yipee! wait, I shan't scream so long as the 'o' levels are not over yet.

actually the revamping of my room serves for another purpose lah. a cleaner environment makes a more conducive area for learning right? hopefully it'll also get me to study in a brighter mood because LFC is what I love. that is kind of cliche I guess? heh.

hmmm.. it's 12.30 in the morning. I had thought of mugging till about 2 but I don't know, maybe I'll end even earlier lest I develop panda eyes.

I love my baju kebaya. too bad that I'll only be raya-ing after the second week.

2005-10-16T20:46:00.000+08:00

I very much hate it when things don't go my way. I knew it was useless to cry, but I cried a little anyway. sometimes I feel I'm being selfish because I usually choose not to blame myself when things go totally wrong. I know I've erred a lot in my 16 years of living and apologising to make up for my mistakes itself does not suffice. the fact that I only apologise for my everyday wrongdoings on the first day of Hari Raya is futile isn't it? how can my sins simply be washed away in a day?

God, to you I say my prayers. please let my faith be strong.

2005-09-28T17:35:00.000+08:00

man, I pity myself for getting to know someone like you.

I've been skimming through websites of certain JCs. if I'm not mistaken, students will have to choose 12 JCs of their choice for the 3-month course and subsequently for after the 'O' levels. I'd probably choose colleges in the north zone since my current school is located in the west. it's just a transition kind of thing lah. but I realise that schools in the north are mostly the top schools. like I can make it like that. haha. but I'm pretty decided on taking Arts rather than Sciences because I've come to terms that alphabets coordinate better with me than numbers do. anyways, I shall just leave that till the 'O' level results are out.

talking about dreams, I suddenly remembered that when I was younger, I dreamt to be not a teacher, not a doctor and not a lawyer, but a university lecturer. muahahahahaha. that dream is kind of unreachable now, isn't it? oh and I also dreamt to be a writer. a journalist to be precise, so that I get the opportunity to travel around the world while witnessing the lives of diverse people. who knows, I might be posted to Liverpool to interview the gaffer or the players! man, that would be a dream come true. =)

but in order to achieve what I want, I have to work hard. really, really hard even if that means I have to shove boys aside till I'm 19. hey, I've succeeded in doing that for 2 years already ok.

2005-09-27T14:44:00.000+08:00

I think there is bad bloody ties between me and Mathematics. we just cannot relate to each other. THANK you for eating away my self-esteem.

social studies was a shocker. got pretty good results when I had expected for the worst. so what did I waste my time worrying for?

english, malay and malay literature really hampered me. I deem I could have done so much better although they are all in the range of A2 to B4.

but the good thing is that I'm a self-motivator. whatever that is done cannot be undone. I still believe in finishing my final lap and winning the race.

anyways, what are my dreams?

2005-09-26T20:32:00.000+08:00

went to Kota Tinggi followed by Mini Kelantan yesterday. I only had about 4 hours of sleep because mom so eagerly woke me up at 5 plus. ghairah lah katakan. hehe. so ocassionally my head felt a bit funny, like there was a tennis ball stuffed inside it. it felt spack.

we had our breakfast first. I started extolling the wonderful roti prata for which the coffee shop near Kota Tinggi was famous. the moment we reached at our destination, everyone except Iqah, Wani and myself, slowly made their way into the water. we decided not to bathe because I, for once, did not want to miss out in capturing God's beautiful creations and if I were to walk in one direction, Wani and Iqah would follow suit. hehe. I thought the person having the most fun was Aniq. it was his second time visiting the place after his first a week ago. =)

it was only 0900 hours then but there were already many visitors. a pleasing portrait , I thought: a man, his wife, many children, out at the gigantic, gorgeous waterfalls. incidents whereby mat-mat Malaysia used futile pick-up lines to attract our attention tickled my funny bones. two of them had stood in front of me and clearly, obviously taken my picture with their camera phones, or so my sister said. the security guard was cheeky too. yikes!

after changing up into dry clothes, we made our way to Mini Kelantan. mom bought baju Raya and a headscarf while my sister and I bought baju kurung. walking further, I saw this beautiful kebaya and there was no deterrent to getting it. haha. so that made me the largest spender among my family members. hah! as always.

the heat was excruciating and our stomachs were grumbling. we decided to head to the nearby Pizza Hut to have our overdue lunch. my uncle treated all of us. we ate as much as we could despite the lack of variety in choosing the pizzas. I thought we sat there for a rather long time. heh. after that, we went to Giant to get some home stuffs.

it was then that we were swinging from one extreme to the other, beginning with the sublime and ending in the tragic. observe: at the parking lot, the exhaust pipe of my cousin's car was leaking. so he drove it to a nearby car workshop. from 1700 to 2100 hours, we were waiting for the car to be fixed.

back in Singapore. relatives went up to my house for a while before they set for home.

2005-09-20T18:57:00.000+08:00

one more. just one more to go before this stressful period ends. momentarily though. I know it's boring to blog about exams all the time but what the hell, it's the exam period and I can't run away from it. so far, I don't have the much needed confidence in passing social studies (because I didn't finish the SBQ but hopefully history will help pull up my mark) and of course, amath. I wonder when will I pass the latter. sigh.

anyway, someone's been bugging me to meet him. I don't know how I should turn him down yet again but I don't want him to think that I'm... treating him like a stupid idiot? haha. whatever lah eh. mat-mat zaman sekarang. semua low-esteem. or maybe it's inferiority complex, things like that. what the hell? just because I'm like this and you're like that?

2005-09-14T13:52:00.000+08:00

physics paper was urm, ooook lah. I thought it was satisfactory as compared to midyear's. obviously because I didn't study for midyear, thinking that I was going to drop physics after midyear for sure. but I didn't. why? it was because I persevered. I knew that my lack of effort in studying physics bespoke my end result. so I tried to hang on, go through the basic stuff and take it from there. if I'm willing to work and if God's willing to help, anything can happen right?

I'm left with a few more papers to go before I can take a short break, then start mugging again for 'O' levels. I've to think positive from now on. one of my teachers once said that no exam is more important than the O's. I wonder how true that is but think, if you're going to apply for a job, what is one thing that the employer will ask for? yes, you've said it yourself.

2005-09-10T20:44:00.000+08:00

it's a dismal that throughout these two years, I haven't once passed my amath exam. and I don't think i'll be able to create a miracle for the prelims. but o' levels...maybe? I'm not going to risk my other subjects just to spend more time on amath lah. when I grow up, I'm not going to be a mathematician anyway. gees. by the way, tomorrow will be the last day before prelims start. GOD help! I really am in deep shit. what could be a worse combination than social studies plus amath on the same day huh? and both are on the first day of the examination period! argh. I wish myself good luck though. note that I typed 'good luck' instead of 'all the best' because at this very moment, my attention is diverted to blogger rather that the social studies textbook. I can imagine myself writing my own social studies facts later on.

2005-09-06T22:38:00.000+08:00

I'm in a dillema yet again. which route should I take? JC or poly? sure, I can inquire about the advantages or disadvantages of being in either institutions from the JC/poly peeps but I'd rather not. that's just because I'm already sick of JC people condemning life in poly and talk about all the good things in the world about being in a college; and poly people condemning JC life and talk about all the good things in poly.

"Just shut up lah girl. Follow what your heart says and don't let those people influence you."

"But my heart is not saying anything?

2005-08-22T20:18:00.000+08:00

I am soooooo touched by what my mom has done. when I came back from school today, I was so surprised to see my room spick-and-span, with the furnitures neatly rearranged and organised. just a day ago, I was considering the possibility of "revamping" my room but I thought that with the increasing workload, the possibility is probably zero, zilch, nada.

and my mom has kind of agreed to let me curl my hair. haha! she's too nice today lah. weeee. I love you, ma! aww. I said that to her a while ago. =)

2005-08-19T15:25:00.000+08:00

not like it's a big thing that I'm finally updating after a long hiatus but I swear I've been busy, so busy that I think I rarely see my own family members nowadays.

I miss my little bro especially. when I reach home, he'd have left for school and when he's back, I'd either be locked up in my room or just that we don't come into contact with each other despite living in the same house. still, I do realise the change in him. we, in the family have always treated him as the baby; being either condescending or indifferent, until he has become too clever to ignore.

in any case I should thank God, shouldn't I? it's friday today and that means, I can get a little bit of study break and oohh, more sleep!! I wished it was 100 but I've been getting only 55% of the 9 hours sleeping duration needed every day. it's shitty, especially when you feel grouchy early morning in school and feel like dozing off when a lesson is being conducted. by the way, I was given this punctuality card which has to be endorsed by the DM every morning.

that brings me to the thought that I'd been booked for detention class. fcuk it. my case for latecoming has long bygone and it was only last week that I'd been told to go for detention. I was in malaysia then, so I didn't report to the ADM. I was supposed to report just now at 2.30pm but I wasn't interested. I have other things to do without bothering about shits like this.

hey, who knows? perhaps my next entry will be about me getting a more severe punishment? no pun intended.

2005-08-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

oh great. sean paul's we be burnin' is playing on the radio. I love how the song has a nice and catchy tune/beat to it. just the perfect timing to wake me up when I'm on the verge of dozing off, huh?

you may ask what I'm doing at this hour. what's left in store for me right now is to mug for the prelims and o' levels. then again, I'm getting a bit apprehensive of studying hard. yea, it sounds unusual. in any case, I've been getting relatively low marks for my tests albeit spending much time studying for a particular subject and vice versa. what's wrong? I really have no idea. perhaps this doesn't sound good at all since prelims are just exactly in a month's time and the o levels will follow right after. I just don't know what's the best way for me to study. darn, if only I could turn back time.

think the pressure is getting to me. no one's helping me except myself. I do not wish to sound too depressed though. I know there are lots of other depressed people besides myself. a primary school kid who'll be sitting for her PSLE has just called up 98.7FM, pouring all her thoughts on how the upcoming exams are putting too much pressure on her. relax kid, it's just the PSLE. if you fail, you can still do well in the next stage of life.

it may just be preliminary exams going on in a month but I still need to do well, don't I? I aim to go for the 3 months JC course so that I can get an idea of what JC life is like, and from there decide whether to continue or enter poly instead. but I don't think it'll be the latter since my mom's been bugging me to go JC when just a few months ago, she said that she would leave it to me to decide. sigh.

sigh.

sigh..

sigh...

2005-08-04T15:39:00.000+08:00

sometimes I don't understand just what teachers want from the students. respect? diligence? punctuality in coming to school? before they even think of gaining respect from us (as in students), have they ever asked themselves, "do I respect my students?". I do not think teachers nowadays think that way and this has really made school a very fucked up place. I MEAN IT.

firstly, I admit I was wrong not to report to Tan for latecoming, and all the shit that had happened would not have happened if I had done so. BUT, I did report to him in the next two days during recess and he didn't tell me that I was supposed to see him again after school. today, I got my retribution as he told me to sit outside the HOD room along with other normal technical students who are hardcore latecomers. I just don't understand a teacher like him. he's an english teacher but his usage of english is atrocious. however did he expect me to venture that I was to go for detention class after school? really, some teachers are mere irrational.

however, sitting alone in the physics lab was a good thing afterall. for a moment I felt a sense of serenity and escapism. I was lucky to be given permission to sit for my common tests. then it began to rain heavily and I was allowed to join the rest of my classmates for lessons. oh, I went up to a teacher to ask something and guess what she did? SHE ROLLED HER EYES, as if giving me the I-couldn't-care-less look.

my shit haven't ended though. once the bell rang which marked the end of school, I went up to old virginic moron (she's not worth to be called my form teacher) to have my individual oral practice, in preparations for the 'o' levels. I GOT THE BIGGEST INSULT SHOVED RIGHT TO MY FACE. first, she said that I was speed reading. next she said my voice sounded like a guy. she said I can't even speak or write well. I couldn't stand it no more. writing has been my forte and every piece of essay that I'm asked to do, I'd give all my heart and soul into it. but OVM just chose to mistake me for one of her students who can't write well.

then she was talking about how miss universe contenders during a beauty pageant contest, are able to speak well.

I replied: I'm not aiming to be a miss universe.

old virginic moron: that's not the point! I'm just telling you the importance of speaking well!

I would have done my oral properly if I hadn't need to face you, sucker. I just rolled my eyes.

OVM continued: even if you want to, do you think you'd stand a chance?!

me: I'm not pretty like you. you do stand a chance though.

OVM: don't be sarcastic!! (raging with anger, going to explode any soon) you are so rude, fadillah!

I didn't even look at her. she shouted in front of me and wen zhong who was also in the cabin at that time. "I wouldn't have wasted my time on you if I knew it'd turn out to be like this!"

I said, "ok, I shall leave." I walked away and slammed the door behind me.

"I will tell Mr Tan about you!"

you think I'm gonna be shaken? watch me. teachers are such a pain in the ass. I thought that if I had continued my verbal fight with OVM, it'd turn physical in no time. I don't deny that I wished I could have slapped her in the face. or kill her even. but I was still partially sane and I knew the consequences. so I didn't.

you know it's ironic that insults is the biggest insult that can be shoved upon you. all this while, NO ONE dares to insult me. and even my parents do not shout at me like you do. I will explode anytime in school tomorrow. watch me. just the sight of you makes me burning in anger.

2005-07-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

I'm shuttling between blogging and doing my social studies essay. at the rate I'm going, I don't think I'll finish it any soon. sigh.

so many things to talk about but so little time. basically I've been bringing a little personal notebook to doodle on every day this week. I realised that it'd be much more worthwhile if I do something useful e.g reflecting on my daily life rather than stare into space or merely into people's faces whenever I'm on board the MRT.

for the first time after about a month, I went for band practice. at the end of the day, I was called up by the reigning band leader. I knew beforehand that I was going to be informed that I'd be sacked. well, I was ready for it. I mean, I was just thinking positive. my departure from band will provide me with ample time for my studies. anyway, when I met the band leader, she told me that I'd have to come regularly if I still want to be in the band. say...10 practices consecutively. still, it'll not be confirmed that I'd be granted with cca points for the past three years. the teachers in charge will still have to CONSIDER.

so tomorrow the night study programme commences. I'm hoping that it'd be of much benefit. I'm sure it will or I wouldn't have signed up in the first place.

heh I was oblivious that siti nurhaliza's concert happened yesterday. many of my acquaintances had gone to watch. jealous sak. have I mentioned how I yearned for a voice like hers? a voice with a lovely resonance to it, full of nuances and feeling. not to mention my envy for her drop-dead good looks. oh, her well-defined character and personality too. she's a very tough piece of work indeed. haha!

okay, think I better concentrate on my work.

2005-07-20T18:48:00.000+08:00

it was mom's 47th birthday yesterday. first and foremost, I didn't even think she was anywhere near that age. perhaps a 45th. anyway, got her a very posh handbag which didn't cost so much. wee. I'm so glad that she liked it! she's so excited about bringing it to malacca when we go on a holiday later. hehe. love you mom!!

2005-07-16T20:44:00.000+08:00

wee. now that I'm aware of the newly opened banquet at vista point, I shall go there whenever hunger strikes. hehe. but the place was pretty secluded which explains the number of people who were there yesterday. nevertheless, I met mr ezra, a teacher in my current alma mater. oh well, singapore is just too tiny lah.

anyway, I ate an unusually big amount of carrot cake for 3 dollars plus a plate of popiah. my appetite has always been big when it's during my time of the month. after that, me, my mom and baby bro went to the hairdresser at the first level. my bro seriously needed a haircut - it kind of resembled a bird's nest. haha. at the same time, one of the hairstylists there kept asking me if I wanted a haircut too. I finally attested to it. didn't ask for a new hairstyle whatsoever lah. just asked for a trim. the split ends were making my hair look dead.

after paying for it, I was caught in a bombshell when mom reminded me that I was having my mensus. you know, I'm not supposed to lose any strands of hair during this period. then my sis began her attempt at scaring me with her ludicrous description of a white figure with my cut hair on her scalp, lingering around me while I sleep that night. it sure wasn't a futile attempt since she had been forced to sleep in my room that very night. haha.

so that's about yesterday. today stretched out in front of me like some bottomless canyon as I stayed in the library from morning till night. okay, I did go out of the building twice to get the house keys from my mom and to have my lunch. it wasn't really a perfect sight in the library I'd say. as I was sitting there, lovers strolled languidly by. I don't care if they had done what they had done outside. but this is a library. mind your antics lah siak. nak cium-cium boleh pergi park ke ape kan? fuckhead.

urrgh. oh maybe they had to do it in the library since it was raining. anyway, I wonder how is the BPGHS 45th anniversary dinner going on. I don't see why I should be there gracing the ceremony. it's over-rated anyway. and mom said that 40 dollars is too much to ask for for an event held in the friggin school field.

I hope that after tonight, the principal will be satisfied with the publicity that she's been craving for for the past few months. and hell, all this hard work is not for "us" but "you". you, you and you. or so mdm khalidah said.